


Looking Behind Every Door

by HappyDagger



Series: Never Let Me Down Again [1]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Depersonalization, Disassociation, Drug Abuse, Drugs, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulation, Obsession, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Ramsay is his own warning, Sadism, Self-Mutilation, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 08:47:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 37
Words: 43,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2422535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HappyDagger/pseuds/HappyDagger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. Reek seizes an opportunity to escape Ramsay. </p><p> </p><p>  <i>This wasn't happiness, but it was the brightest moment of his life, and he kept running.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. With Your Feet in the Air and Your Head on the Ground

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Your Own Personal Bully](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995774) by [nanjcsy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanjcsy/pseuds/nanjcsy). 



**After graduation, I plan to**

Reek tapped his fingers on the keyboard.

**I plan to**

He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

**I plan**

He closed his laptop and stared out his bedroom window. It wasn't really his though, it was Ramsay's. He'd only been living at the Bolton's for a year now and only had a month left of high school. He hated change.

"What _are_ you going to do, Theon?" His teacher had asked as he was leaving class. "Have you thought about it? You have wonderful grades, you're a dedicated student, but you haven't asked for any letters of recommendation. Haven't you applied to any colleges?"

"We, um, will- I'll probably go to community college first. I think Mr. Bolton doesn't, he isn't sure I'm ready... my counselor..." he looked at the floor, as always, and rubbed his neck. It wasn't so bad talking to Ms. Danys, though. She was small, bright and kind. She had a lovely soft voice with real strength behind it. He wished someone like her had taken him in as a child, but he knew didn't even deserve to talk to her. He wasn't really whoever she thought he was, he kept lying to her anyway. Reek rhymes with Sneak.

Still, he was glad to have known her. She was saying something about being proud of him and considering options, all misplaced good intentions, and turn your first draft in Monday. He smiled the old charming smile he uses to always have at his disposal, then walked away and hid it quickly. His eyes darted as he walked through the halls, wondering if anyone had seen. If _he_ had seen. _He_ felt everywhere, all the time now...

"You aren't typing. Hurry up, I'm bored." Ramsay called from the bed. He was laying down playing with his phone, smirking at something.

"Yes, Sir. I just, I have to write an essay about what I'll do after I graduate and... I don't..."

"Just make it up, you little idiot. Oh my god, Reek, this girl says she's going to kill herself on a webcam because of me! Do you think she will? She's in Australia or Austria, I can't remember." Ramsay was delighted with how funny he was. He turned to Reek but the boy wasn't laughing, he just wore his sad puppy dog eyes. "What?! You're so sensitive. Oh my god, she IS on a webcam! Quick! Give me your phone, I have to send the link to Damon and I don't want to lose the feed."

Reek brought him the phone but before he held it out he waited for Ramsay's laughing gaze to turn back to him. He begged with his eyes, too afraid to use his voice. _Please don't do this._ Ramsay snatched the phone from him. "Oh, really, Reek! You don't even _know_ her. It's your fault, anyway. You should have finished your paper by now, then YOU would be entertaining me. You better finish that paper before I make you watch." His eyes flashed suddenly, "Do you want to play a game? You try to talk her out of it, I try to make her. If you win-"

"Please no!" Reek dropped to his knees with his hands clasped in front of him. "I'll be good! I'll finish just give me ten minutes, it will be finished! Or... I... I can make you happy, Master. You don't need the girl, I'm right here. You're more important than my work, you're more important than anything." Reek blushed and trembled, but persisted against his nausea, climbing on the bed and then onto his Master. His whispered with a doomed resignation, " _Please_." He gave Ramsay the fearful, pleading eyes he wanted and started to kiss his neck. Reek closed his eyes. Ramsay had only looked amused, and that could be good or bad. He started breathing more deeply and ran his hand through Reek's hair.

Reek kissed over Ramsay's shirt inching backwards. He looked up, submissively, and to his relief, Ramsay was smiling down. His eyes had a way grinning when he was this satisfied. Having unspoken permission, he unbuttoned Ramsay's pants but froze. He heard crying. He lifted his head and saw Ramsay biting his lip, looking into the phone in his right hand. "Do it, then. I want to cum to your final breaths. Then you will have made someone happy, just once in your life. Isn't that worth it?" he grabbed the back of Reek's head with his left and tugged. Then in sweetest serpent's voice continued, "I promise, I won't forget you and I'll even think of you fondly-"

"No!" Reek recoiled in horror. He backed up until the floor sprang to meet his back and head at once. He scrambled towards the door but it wouldn't open; Ramsay had the key. A new horror crashed upon his withering banks and dragged his gaze out, back to the bed. He had said a bad word, he had tried to run. Ramsay sat up. Reek watched, hyperventilating on the floor, as Ramsay broke past the bed's horizon and grew; head, neck, shoulders, torso- he wouldn't be wished away.

"WHAT did you say?" Ramsay wasn't having fun anymore. He wasn't smiling. He forgot about his phone. The crying continued without him.

"I'm sorry! _I'msorryI'msorryI'msorry_..." Reek felt against the door at his back, maybe hoping it would somehow open a hole for him. Theon looked at the open bathroom door just a few feet beside him (the girl is crying in the background, crying for Ramsay)/Reek knows that will just make things worse/GET AWAY GET AWAY/NO I'VE BEEN BAD ENOUGH JUST BE GOOD AND TAKE IT(she's yelling something, yelling for Master)/FUCK HIM IF HE'S GOING TO BEAT US ANYWAY HE'S GOING TO WORK FOR IT!

Ramsay stepped off of the bed. The sound of a distorted gunshot echoed briefly, breaking the silence. It launched Reek screaming into the bathroom. He somehow locked the door before a heaving weight landed on the other side.

He crawled backwards, staring at the door. It thundered and shook from impact again. The sound was horrifying; it sliced itself deep into Reek's brain. It would come back when he was dreaming sometimes and wake him up, screaming. The nightmare made that day would visit him unexpectedly the rest of his life. Now he just sat watching as the image made it's scar among the others.


	2. I Make the Faces That Make You Cry

**AGAIN the door thundered**

Reek crawled backwards and into the bathtub. This was a mistake, this was a mistake, this was a mistake. "Please! Please stop! I'll open the door!"

**AGAIN the thunder and a new noise, a whining scrape; something was giving.**

"Ramsay, PLEASE, I'm sorry! I'll open the door!"

**AGAIN the thunder/ a dry crunch**

"MASTER, PLEASE! LET ME OPEN THE DOOR!" He was screaming clutching his head to keep it from exploding in ice white terror. Then came his answer.

**AGAIN thunder/crunch/snapping**

"OH GOD DON'T! I'LL OPEN THE DOOR! I'LL OPEN IT, PLEASE!"

Blessedly, he then found himself floating. He just watched the little child twitch and make inhuman groaning, gasping noises below. It could not be him, this must be another nightmare. It can't be real; the child's face is hidden, his eyes are closed, Reek sees everything from here. It's just another game to lose.

The heel of Ramsay's boot burst through cracked and splintered wood, just below the handle. Doors always seemed so hard, now the one protecting the child underneath him broke like promises. It was quiet except for his grotesque caricature's sobbing struggle for air. Reek tried to wake up.

" _Hnnh_!" The door handle brought the small bolt ripping through shards. The door frame seemed to shatter where sliced with a quick, indifferent snap. Ramsay was on top of the child. He tore down the thin curtain in his way; it pulled the railing with it, which clunked and bounced on the tile before spinning itself away from the monster. Reek watched him pick up the poor hysterical boy. In two fast movements, he had the child up against the bathroom wall.

Ramsay was so close, Reek was waited for him to rip the boy's throat out with his teeth. Instead, the strong sure hands grabbed the boys face and the monster roared, "LOOK AT ME!" He slapped Reek hard. Reek did wake up, but he was still in the nightmare. Shaking and twitching, his body had claimed him again. Ramsay saw he was there, and went from piercing rage to ecstatic sadism. "You think you can run from me? You think you can leave me? YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE ME. WE'LL DIE FIRST!"

Reek couldn't answer, he couldn't breathe. Twisting downwards, Ramsay pulled Reek on the floor, pulled his pants down then lifted Reeks trembling knees on one shoulder.

"Mercy-mercy!" Reek exhaled hoarsely. Ramsay seemed to feel calmer now that he had Reek safely in his hands, begging below him.

"Ok, pet. You shouldn't have done that. I know you were scared, you weak, stupid, puppy, but you must never do that," Ramsay leaned towards the sink opening a drawer. Reek was nearly bent in half. Ramsay returned to kneeling above Reek with a bottle in his hand. Reek thanked him in a small, frantic voice and begged forgiveness. Because Master was merciful, it didn't tear, or even hurt too bad. It was just so scary. Ramsay still looked manic. His shadow swallowed Reek, his heat and weight were everywhere, his burning eyes would not be left for a second.

**"WHO OWNS YOU? TELL ME! AGAIN! TELL ME! YOU WERE _BAD_! BAD REEK! YOU _NEVER_ HIDE FROM MASTER! BAD BOY! WHO OWNS YOU? LOUDER!"**

It seemed to go on for ages as Reek withered away, but the storm did pass. Ramsay pulled out and marked his property with hot victory. Ramsay finally felt relief. _He knows now, he knows, I MADE him understand._ Reek hugged himself, but otherwise, lay passively and cried beneath the beast. Reek was afraid to even blink too long. He looked beautiful. It was all under control. This was probably for the best, he has to learn not to run in the safety of the house so he never does it outside. Ramsay wanted to feel angry, Reek still had to be punished, but his big eyes were begging so sweetly.

Ramsay leaned over him again and licked his tears, enraptured. He picked up his pet to take him to their bed. Reek wrapped his arms around Ramsay's neck and cried silently on his chest. He whispered thanks, and Ramsay's revived heart expanded. Maybe with the loss of some privileges, the little boy would learn.

Ramsay suddenly remembered the time. One day soon, he and Reek would finally live alone together, but that day had not come yet.


	3. And You Can Be Mean

Ramsay chewed his bottom lip looking at the clock. Things were always in his way, how could he get through this problem with all his skin intact?

Reek surprised him by gently taking his hand, "Master, you're bleeding." Reek looked up at him from the bed with his wide, pitiful eyes. Ramsay was on all fours over the boy but had only been thinking, distracted by his problems. Reek knew how to calm him. He pushed raging Theon deep into his stomach. He must be thrashing there in the bile, Reek can feel him. Watching Ramsay with careful submission, he tenderly licked the blood away. Theon hated him so much, everyone did but Ramsay. Still, it worked, Reek swallowed the last of Ramsay's salty copper anger.

Ramsay lay down beside him and pulled him close. "You can't leave me."

"I know." Reek rested his forehead on Ramsay's chest. He was glad the arms around him weren't hurting him and those razor eyes no longer sliced through his.

"How could you care about some bitch you've never met and will never meet? How could you choose her over me, when I'm everything to you?" Ramsay's voice was reprimanding, not hurt, that meant the worst danger had truly passed.

"No! I just didn't want her to be tortured! I wasn't choosing her over you, how could you think that?" Reek panicked and tried to jump up but was held by calm, strong Ramsay.

"I just don't understand you, what could she matter? You were going to please me and you stopped because of a girl who's face you hadn't even seen; who would be gone in moments anyway. I was just trying to give her a connection to someone, I wasn't even touching her- she was an ocean away. What could she possibly have to offer you? I'm right here, I'm your life." Ramsay seemed genuinely confused.

"But she was a person, with feelings- she had a life. I hope it was fake but, it's like when you make me watch horror movies and you laugh at me and tell me it's not real. I know it isn't, but that kind of suffering is and I just want to run from it. I can't do anything, I'm useless, but I can not stop caring. I hate it, I hate myself for it..." Reek remembered he was rambling all this out loud and stopped. Ramsay just pet his head, smirking.

"Don't say that, you're exactly how I want you to be. You should be happy to please me. You sensitive little boy, you feel so much, it's incredible that you walk around with all those world's in your head. You're such a funny thing. Sometimes I think if hold you close enough, some of those feelings would warm me." _Maybe they have._

"Can you fix me?" Reek whispered into his Master's chest. "Can you make me more like you? I don't want this anymore, I don't want these feelings, my guilt hanging around my neck. I don't want everyone's suffering in my head. Please, please, take it away. Teach me how to be strong, like you." Crying again, always crying, weak and useless. Reek hated himself as much as Theon.

Ramsay quickly released him and rolled back away taking all this warmth with him. Reek watched naked and cold in that single instant his mind raced trying to understand and prepare. _What have I done? What's he doing? I've told him everything, how could I be so stupid?!_ He flinched waiting to be struck, and then he heard the laughter.

Ramsay was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. He was rolling and holding his sides. He tried to say something but couldn't even talk. Reek slipped under the covers and hid. This humiliation was worse than the cage, or the beatings, or being used sexually; because it was ALL Reek's fault. He gave the monster everything and he wasn't even asked to.

_Why won't you kill me?_


	4. I See You Laughing at Me

Ramsay tried to catch his breath. He hadn't laughed so hard in... he didn't know if he ever laughed, _truly laughed_ without even a ghost of anger, like that in his entire life. It was wonderful, he felt almost human now. He turned to Reek and saw a little ball hiding under the covers. _You stupid, perfect thing._

He crawled over to Reek and smacked his ass through the covers playfully. "Are you hiding from me already?"

"No! No, Sir!" Reek threw off the covers. His face was a miserable, blotchy red. He was starting to get a black eye already. His poor little face looked heart-broken. He must think he's disappointed Ramsay, but Ramsay was feeling very kind and would sooth him.

"Aw, poor baby. I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh. I'm not trying to make you someone else, I want you to be who you really are. Theon's a lie you made but now I have you so you can be meek little Reek for me. I would never make you like me. Why would I want _that_? How would I even- I couldn't! Remember when I wanted you to poison your father? It would've been so easy, he was dying already anyway, but you just begged and pleaded after everything he did to you, 'Oh please don't make me, Sir! You don't understand he has a _disease_!' Really?! Look, Reek, look!" Ramsay mimed drinking from a bottle, "Save me, save me from this disease, oh!" His face illuminated dramatically as if Theon's father had a great idea. He mimed throwing the bottle away. "'I'm cured!'"

Then Ramsay threw his hands up at how ridiculous and funny the excuse was. Reek didn't even smile.

Theon fell against a pillow as if he had been struck. He laid there silently watching Ramsay with dead eyes.

"Oh, come on! Reek! Reek! It's pretty funny if you think about it! Remember when we were kids and I was playing with that big brown moth by the swings? 'Ramsay, please! Don't rip his wings off, he'll never fly again!' A MOTH! Come on!" Ramsay threw his hands up again in mock exasperation, laughing, unable to believe Reek wasn't laughing even a little.

Ramsay climbed on Reek to tease him lovingly. He didn't know how to say the boys weakness and feelings were delicious to Ramsay, how precious it made his pet. "Just now, with that slut, you were adorable!" He shook his hands in front of him looking up with wide eyes,"'Please! I'll be good!' You can't even hate ME, after everything I've done to you! After EVERYTHING, you still begged Father-" Then he remembered. "Reek! That's enough playing! Clean yourself up and get ready for dinner!"

Ramsay jumped off the bed and got a small tool box out from his night stand.

Ramsay was halfway through eating when Roose came into the dining room. "Ramsay," he said unhappily. "Why is there a door by the garbage cans?"

Ramsay looked up innocently and calmly said, with food still in his mouth, "Oh Reek was clumsy and hit himself on it. So I took it off. You know me, father! Safety first!" He smiled at his own joke and kept eating.

Roose wasn't smiling, and Reek wasn't eating.


	5. Lead Role in a Cage

"Theon, get that hair out of your face, please. It's rude." Roose had started cutting into his steak. His stern stare betrayed his dispassionate tone.

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry." Reek muttered then he shoved the loose, tangled hair aside, revealing the blue and purple coloring the outer edges of his right eye and the cheekbone below. He looked down, unable to bear Roose's disappointment and anger.

"Ramsay," He tilted his head a little, in disbelief. "what did I say?"

"Um," Ramsay said, swirling his fork and looking up for the answer, "you said, 'I wish I never raped your whore mother.'" Ramsay smiled broadly, but his eyes were wicked. He slid Roose four envelopes with one hand and wiped his mouth with another. "Here, father, four letters of recommendation. I know I don't need them, but I thought you'd like to read how happy my teachers are with me now. You know, now that I have my foster brother that I... how did she say it? Dedicated myself to rehabilitating, I think. Putting my 'cunning resourcefulness and unique talent for finding and utilizing the abilities of others' to good use. I don't know, is that what it said? Read them for yourself. But, you have to admit, I've done even more than you asked. No more fights, no bad grades, no counselors visits, or _local hunting_. RIGHT, REEK?" his eyes flashed and he laughed at how his sweet pet jumped.

"You _always_ overestimate yourself. You could be a very powerful man if you manage to _live_ to see your manhood. What I told you was never to hit the boy in his face. Have you even noticed his plate is full of cold food? When's the last time you weighed him?"

"He'll eat everything on his plate, father, and desert. _Won't you_?" He put an arm around Reek and glared at him, still smiling.

"Yes, of course, Sir." Reek started trying to push the dry, cold, unwanted substance past his mouth as quickly as he could. _Just get it over with._ He told himself, it seemed to be the way he coped with everything lately, waiting for it to be over.

"Where is Theon's face?" Roose asked, pouring himself more wine.

Ramsay grimaced slightly, " _On his head._ "

"Show me you're not too stupid to misunderstand my simple instructions. Point and show me Theon Greyjoy's face." Roose said smiling so subtlety, only Ramsay could have noticed. He smiled with his wide half-crazed grin and flashing eyes right back at his stony father.

"Where is his face? Here!" and he slapped the boy on the bruised side of his face. He laughed loudly at the two shocked expressions looking back at him. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He put his hands up, still laughing. "It was light, I promise. It's fine, father! I'll make him keep ice on it, and it will be gone before Sunday. Monday morning no one in school will ever know he was so clumsy." Ramsay drank his wine then, saluting himself as he did.

"Well, my stupid son, that's what I meant when I said you overestimate yourself though I doubt you were even listening. He has a funeral to go to _tomorrow_ so what do I do with him now? What's your plan for _that_?" Roose feigned frustration but was quite amused at his son's darkening expression. The child always smiled too much.

"What funeral? Why? That's absurd!" _I'm right here, who the fuck else matters?_

"His mother died. I don't think it would look very good if I didn't take him."

Roose and Ramsay kept exchanging their jabs, but it all fell away for Reek. His mother was dead? Did he really hear that right? _It can't be true, Roose is lying... he wouldn't just say it like that. He didn't even tell me, he just said it right past me. It has to be a game, how they love their tortuous games._ It got too difficult to think, so he drifted away downwards, into that quiet embracing darkness that always waited for him, calling him to come home and sleep forever.

"Are we driving or flying?" Ramsay snapped bitterly. "It's too far away, I don't want to drive. It's so stupid, why should he go?! He hasn't seen her for years. After her tits dried what the fuck has she done for him? You bought him, he's _mine_ now! You bought him for me!"

"Will you calm down? You embarrass yourself. You have got to learn to take care of your things if you want to keep them, so you don't have to worry about the long car drive; you're not coming." A storm was thundering behind Ramsay's eyes but he said nothing. His square jaw flexed, his glare was unyielding, but his tongue was lead.

"Have you noticed Theon has stopped eating? I think he's more upset about his mother than you counted on. Overestimating ourselves again, are we, Ramsay? You know," Roose leaned in and lowered his deep voice to rumbling, "lots of family show up at funerals and look at their priorities in life a bit differently because of the loss they gathered around. Since he's going there thin and beaten... well... I just hope I can keep him for you. He has gotten you these pretty letters after all." Roose stood up quite happy with himself. He put the letters in his coat jacket and pushed in his chair. A maid came in to clear the table as if summoned. "Pack a bag for him and give him an ice pack. We're leaving in two hours."

When Roose had passed through the doorway, Ramsay let his gaze slowly sink and then wander.


	6. Nothing Will Tether Me

In the driveway, Ramsay paced by his father's car like a caged lion.

"Be patient, Ramsay. We'll be back Sunday night. In the meantime you'll have plenty of time to think about your behavior, won't you? Put Theon's things in the trunk. Give me your keys. You should get inside now so I can turn on the security system. We must keep you safely inside while I'm away." Roose said, not bothering to hide his smile.

Ramsay slammed the trunk and growled, " _Yes, father._ " between gritted teeth.

He came towards Reek and the hurt in his eyes nearly changed Theon's mind, but then he lunged at the boy hugging him like a predator embracing the prey it caught. Ramsay stared at the slim neck and snapped at it just a hair's width from the skin. Then, quickly glancing over his shoulder, he whispered in Reek's ear. " _You are mine. ONLY MINE. You must remember your name. I'll always be looking for you. Forever, always."_

"Until I'm dead." Theon hissed back, and Ramsay knew the voice.

"No! Don't take him! Not like this! You don't understand!" He grabbed Theon with both hands by the face, "STOP IT! Don't do it! DON'T YOU LEAVE ME-" then he slumped back into Roose's arms. A syringe case was in his father's mouth which he spit out.

"Sad, really. He has these 'fits' sometimes, you know. Much better since you got here. Help me with his feet, Theon. That's a good boy. It used to be so easy to carry him..." Roose mused to himself without much expression. Once they had laid Ramsay on the couch, Roose said it was time to go. Reek sadly kissed his Master on the forehead and whispered his apologies. Theon had already said his goodbye and it tasted bitter, like his heart.

Roose asked Theon to sit up front so they could talk. He was surprised since the backseat doors only opened from the outside once locked. "Thank you, sir," he said and for once meant it.

Roose was instructing him on how to act and what to say at the funeral when Theon dared to interject. "May I propose an alternative? It's one I think you'll like."

Roose was not used to being surprised. He liked to be amused and had always known the boy was more clever than he let his bastard son know. "You may."

"I don't really want to go to the funeral, sir. Maybe you could just take me to my uncle's house instead? He lives much closer than... the hospital my mother... it's much closer, easier for you."

"Oh, is that all?" He asked, sounding disappointed, but still curious. "What could make me believe you wouldn't try to run away?"

"I will."

"How is that?"

"I am going to run away. That's what I want, what I get out of the deal. What you get is all the leverage you need to control Ramsay again." Theon kept looking down. He wanted to enjoy this more; to be victorious and vicious, but he was just exhausted.

"What leverage?"

"Ramsay has no idea about my uncle. No one does but my dead parents and my sister who's across the country, if she's still alive. Ramsay doesn't have a name to hunt, it isn't Greyjoy, he won't have an address or any starting point to find me. You want his loyalty, and obedience again. He'll give you anything when you come home without me." He looked up to Roose, full of misery but strangely free of fear. "You can tell him immediately, wait a day, whatever you decide is best. Just" Reek fell through once more, "tell him I'm sorry..." tears came to his weak, stupid eyes, but he did not cry.

"I really can't afford to lose you, I'm afraid. Your presence has solved far too many problems with that boy and caused so few in return. It's just simple cross-benefit analysis. I _will_ help him find you, and I can only set limitations on what he does with you after that... you know how creative he can be even within strict limitations."

"I know."

"Hmm. Very interesting, Theon. You are a clever child. I'm comforted to know you will use your talents to help my son one day when he's broken you."

Theon shut his eyes tightly and swallowed the dread and nausea down. Let Reek drown in it awhile. He was going to tear away if he killed them both doing so.


	7. Don't Struggle Like That, I Will Only Love You More

"Here's what I've decided Theon. We're going to stop at this hotel. It's been such a long day. I know how overwhelmed you are at the prospect of facing your family and seeing your insane mother buried so I brought you medicine to help you sleep. Instead of taking your sleeping pill, like a good boy, you're going to crush it and put it in my drink. I'm going to end up sleeping very late because of it. When I wake up in the afternoon, I'll notice you're gone and you've taken your backpack, phone and my credit card... the silver one. I will first call the police forgetting Ramsay in my distress. Then I'll rush home when the police are done helping me and try to comfort my son. I'll lay out some terms for him and he'll start hunting you down. If you're in any real danger at any time you will call me or the police, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir, I understand everything. That's more than fair."

Roose parked the car in front of the valet entrance. He turned to look at Theon, considering him, "I like you, son. Don't get yourself killed."

Theon swallowed the new term like sour medicine. "No, sir. I won't."

***

The next day, in the early evening, Ramsay was surprised to hear the garage door opening. He ran downstairs to the door and pressed his face against the window beside it. Why were they back early? His father came around the sidewalk alone. Did he forget something? He came through the door and nearly bumped into Ramsay.

"Well?!" Ramsay said immediately with noticeable desperation, "Where is he?!"

"Have you slept at all? You're wearing the same clothes you had on yesterday. What have you been doing?"

"Oh yes, I slept, _I slept_ , remember? I slept while you took him from me. WHERE IS HE?" Ramsay's red eyes had dark circles under them, he was breathing quickly. 

"Oh, Ramsay, did you cry when I took your toy away?" Roose asked dryly.

Ramsay lunged at him with an animal scream, " **WHERE IS HE?! GIVE HIM TO ME!** " His hands shaking his father's shirt collar, but Roose was serenely unperturbed and just looked down with pity. Ramsay feared the worst and fell crying. 

"Shhhh. Poor boy. I tried to tell you not to love people, it makes one so weak. Now you have this terrible vulnerability." Roose looked down at his only living son. He liked him as his feet. "Don't be so dramatic, Ramsay. We'll get him back." Ramsay looked up, distrusting but unable to keep himself from hoping. "I didn't take him away from you, he isn't dead, he ran away."

Ramsay sprang with ferocious energy and pointed accusingly at his father. "NO! He would never leave me! He ran away from YOU! What did you do?!"

"Calm yourself, and listen for once! You have to listen to me if you want your toy back, do you understand? Good. He didn't run away from you, or from me. It was the funeral. You were, right, son. I shouldn't have taken him, certainly not without you. It was too much for the boy.When I was teasing you the other day, I forgot the damaged child was listening... he couldn't stand the idea of his family taking him back. I'm so sorry. He was crying for you last night. I gave him a sleeping pill and told him we'd come back home, but he must have thought I was lying."

Ramsay's defenses fell so quickly Roose could hear the crash. "What do I do?!" 

"I need to know you're in control of yourself, I can't having you killing him in one of your 'fits.' So I need you to obey me completely. Can you do that?"

Ramsay gulped back a groan and closed his eyes. He rested in darkness for a second and then opened his eyes with the resolution of someone with nothing to lose. "Whatever you want. I'll do anything."

"Good!" Roose smiled happily at him and rubbed his back. Ramsay tried to force his snarl into a trusting smile. "Come and sit down. Drink some water. Take your medicine. You're going to start doing that now, aren't you? We need your mood to stabilize so you don't break your toy or lose it again. We'll talk about some changes and then, when I'm sure you understand, I'll show you how easy it will be to find your lost dog. What do you say, son, should we give him a day's head start or has he had long enough?"

Roose smiled sadistically now, without guile. Ramsay could understand it, and began to make the very same face.


	8. Sistine Smile

The night before, Roose had crushed a pill into his seltzer water, tasted it then recoiled.

"Theon, pour me some scotch over ice, won't you?" When Theon held it out for him, the boy's pale appearance made him reconsider. "Why don't you have some first, get your courage." Roose went over the few supplies in Theon's backpack and reminded him the rules. 'No Hitchhiking' was particularly emphasized. Theon asked what would happen if he really got away; would he win the game? Would he be free then? Roose just shook his head and advised him to take that up with Ramsay if and when he did win. Of course, it was a stupid question.

After Roose turned the lights out he said, "Wait at least 15 minutes. Watch the clock," then disappeared into the silent murky dark. After 20 minutes Theon gathered his things and crept outside, closing the door carefully. When it finally clicked shut, he was suddenly in the world alone, able to pick any direction forward. He walked through the long halls feeling like he would be stopped for stealing at any moment, but stealing what? There was no one to even see him. He couldn't shake the feeling that if anyone did, they would _know_ immediately. When he passed through the automatic doors of the lobby, insects danced in the street lights and winds from the roaring highway rushed to greet him. One step off the curb and he will have run away with no chance of turning back. He felt dizzy, but the scotch was warming his stomach now. It felt nice. The winds seemed to sway him towards the road. _Just take a step like any other you've ever taken._

He had no real talent for lying to himself, though. He felt this one step onto the ground below was a leap to his death or worse; that his landing would be heard by a juggernaut listening out there in the darkness, it didn't matter how far away. The Beast would stalk relentlessly. Everything his path will wither away wailing from the enraged hunger on his face. Nothing will hinder him. Is this a freedom worth having? He could see the bathroom door thundering over him suddenly. How it seemed to grow larger and closer with every hit. He heard his own screaming, but never saw himself when the memory came to visit. _I am right back there; even the bathtub is cold and damp on my feet._ His heart pounded but didn't fail him.

Out of all hours of his life filled with crying, that night he found a new strange way to fall apart. He squatted down but still didn't move his feet. An ocean poured through him, and he let it all go. No one to strike him, no one to lie to, no other face to study and feel through now. So his own buried feelings came flooding out. All at once; the anger, devastation, degradation, fear and yet _still_ that weak, meek, foolish sadness for the hurt in the Beast's eyes. He even ached for the warmness the Beast pulled him into; all the times Ramsay beamed down without malice, whispered precious things to his pet in their bed, and the intensity in his eyes when he swore to protect and keep his favorite plaything. It tore Theon apart to think about those things. He didn't want Reek's memories. Reek didn't deserve this freedom, so let him burn in the sunshine.

Then Theon remembered they didn't deserve anything thing that had happened in their life. His god was dead and heard nothing. _This is MY life, my only life. I have to do something of my own with it before it's over. Maybe then, I can live with myself ... because at least I tried once before I lost myself._

His foot lept off the curb and fell the few inches to freedom below. He felt something wiz by his head. A bat? A crow? It shot into trees before he could tell.

Theon ran and kept running. He smiled. The tears in his eyes weren't hot anymore. They streaked towards his ears and told him a secret; _it's not a lie! You took your life back!_ This wasn't happiness, but it was the brightest moment of his life, and he kept running.


	9. Your Eyes are on My Wall

**Kyra u awake?**

**It's Theon we need 2 talk**

**It's an emergency!**

**KYRA I NEED YOU TO HELP ME**

Theon had found the unexpected limitations of a credit card. He couldn't take the bus with it. The only taxi driver who stopped for him wanted cash up front after seeing his jittering, bruised face in the rearview mirror.

"Where'd you get that card, boy? Steal it from a John? Get the fuck out of my car, fucking junkie."

He didn't try after that. He had walked all night and day trying to think of what the hell he should do. He ended up at a dinner and was, at least, able to eat in a quiet place and think a minute. There had to be away to get cash from this thing, or get somewhere with it. With all the money behind this little piece of plastic, there had to be a solution right in front of him. He'd almost tried an ATM, but remembered he didn't know the pin, and getting it wrong would mean losing the card.

Evening was coming already. Ramsay could be coming even faster by now. If Kyra would just answer his texts she could give him a ride and he could go from there. He decided to just call her.

"Who is this?!" was the answer one the other end.

"Kyra, thank fucking goodness! I need your help! I'm in a dinner it's called Dot's in The Woodlands-"

"Why, Theon?! Tell him you didn't trick me!" She yelled back.

"What happened? He knows? When did he talk to you?"

"More than a year ago. I remember! Tell him I remember. Is that what he wants?"

"Kyra, no, it's just me! I got away! Ramsay isn't with me, I need you to help me get far away from here. I have Roose's credit card, I can buy you things! I can get you makeup or clothes- what do you want? Just tell me! We can run away together! We-"

"I'll call him, is that what he wants? Dot's in the Woodlands? I'll call him now, ok? Just tell him I remember everything!" She hung up.

"No, no, no..." he said to the deaf phone in his hands.

He went to the bathroom to wash his face. When he looked up at the mirror, the last year had dropped away. Disheveled, bruised, thin and on the run; it was just like before. What did he do before? He _lied_. He faked it, he acted big, proud and callous. He can fake it again. He'd just slip back into his life and let nightmare end. Everything clicked into place. He remembered who he really was and knew exactly what to do; everything was laid out in front of him.

He even knew who to call.

"I want to you to call your mother," Roose said when Ramsay had shown him he swallowed his pill.

"Why?" he tried to ask calmly, but bared his teeth in spite of himself.

"We should tell her you're not going to visit this Summer. Theon will need to be watched over."

"We can still go, it will be fine."

"Let's call her now. Oh, that's right. I have to use yours. Theon stole my phone. Do you think we could find out where it was last used and who was called?"

"What do you want?"

"Give me your phone, Ramsay."

Ramsay unlocked it and handed it over. Roose put the phone on speaker then put his finger to his lips.

"Hi, honey."

"Hello," Roose answered.

"Ramsay... is that you?"

"No. I'm calling about him though."

"Why? What's happened?!"

"It's his... little friend, Theon. You remember, don't you? Ramsay brought him over last year."

"Oh no! Oh please, God, he didn't kill the boy?"

"No, no," Roose tried not to laugh at Ramsay's bitter frown. "Ramsay's been good with him, well a few slips here and there. The boy's mother died, I was going to take him to the funeral and he ran away. I'm calling you so you now in case he contacts you. Also, I think it would be best if the boys didn't stay with you over the Summer. I don't know what we'll be dealing with when Theon comes home, and you know how unstable your son is already."

"Oh yes, I understand." They could both hear the relief in her voice. Ramsay tried not care.

"How is he? Should I talk to him?"

"Of course, you may. You'll want to tell him about the man you're seeing won't you?"

"How- don't tell him that! Especially not now. What do you want from me?"  

"Nothing. Here, talk to your son."

Ramsay swiped the phone away and walked to his room. After another moment, he coldly said, "Hello, Mother."

"Ramsay, are you alright? I know you're worried, my pet, but Theon is stronger than you think. I know you two love each other, I could tell from the way you looked at one another. You'll get him back. You deserve to be happy, baby. Ramsay, please listen to me, he's a very sensitive boy. You might not understand, but this death is going to be hard for him, that kind of pain can make people do things they wouldn't otherwise. Just be kind to him, be patient. He loves you, he's just... he's a scared little thing. He's been through so much like you have. You have such a big heart, it just comes out all wrong."

"Please don't cry," Ramsay whispered. He knew Roose was in the hallway.

"You were such a loving child, even with your problems, I couldn't have had a more loving child. I can still see you little face when Roose took you away, and it breaks my heart. I just wanted to protect you and give you a better life. I worry about that choice all the time. Maybe if I kept you-you wouldn't be so-"

"You wanted a better life for me, and to protect _yourself_ , isn't that right? That's what you meant to say?" he continued looking over his shoulder and walking into his now doorless bathroom. "You wanted Roose to take me far away, where you'd be safe from me? Why do you need a boyfriend? _Who is he_? Why do keep things from me? I told you I'm better now, HAVEN'T I BEEN BETTER?!"

"Ramsay, remember; we have things to do." Roose had walked in without his noticing.

Ramsay ran his shaking fingers through his hair. His mother was crying, it was making him crazy. "I have to go."

"Just be gentle and kind to him. I know you can! I know you love him and he's so good for you. I just want what's best for you."

"Yes, yes, fine," he lowered his voice and pulled away from his father. "I love you, goodbye." He hung up before she had to lie. He blinked and his vision blurred.

"There's a lesson to be learned here if you paid any attention. Theon has no one else in the world. When he remembers you're all he has, he'll lose the will to fight you. Do you understand?"

"Yes," he said, blinking his blurry eyes again. "I understand." 

"Hopelessness makes people listen even better than pain does. Let's research today and start looking tomorrow. Give him time to wander and feel how he's unwanted. Let him understand why he can't ever leave you again. You might call him tonight if you want. Even if he doesn't answer, he'll know you're looking for him. That you alone care something for him in a world that hates and fears him."

 _Fears him because of us_ , Ramsay thought and almost smiled. His phone rang; it was that whore Theon slept with, Kyra. Ramsay suddenly understood everything. "You're right!" He grinned broadly now and answered the phone.


	10. Stuck in This Dream, it's Changing Me

First, Theon used his phone to find the nearest mall, it even gave him directions for walking there.

He wished he had remembered to get his phone back from Ramsay, he wasn't familiar with Roose's phone and it had none of his contacts but Ramsay. He was only able to contact Kyra because he remembered her number and that door slammed shut with a sting. When he finally arrived, the sun had started its descent. He was sweaty and miserable with exhaustion, but he had made it. He got himself an ice cream with all the toppings he wanted. Then he bought the biggest latte he could order, so he could keep himself awake. He got his hair washed, cut very short and dyed black. "You like his hair in his face like that?" Roose asked raising his eyebrow one night over dinner. He remembers Ramsay saying he wanted it even longer because he thought the waves were 'pretty.'

"Just get it off me," he told the stylist with stern determination. "I'd like something more clean and masculine for my new job." She was kind, cheerful, and talented and when she finished with him, he was someone new. "Thank you," he told her, " you don't know how much this means to me." His heartfelt compliment made the woman very happy, and his generous tip, courtesy of Mr. Bolton, made her even happier. It felt wonderful to please someone. Not out of fear, not to survive, just because he could. He walked away from the salon feeling more like a man than he ever had. It was time to change his clothes.

He remembered doing this in a similar mall with Ramsay when he was first adopted by Roose. The memory rushed up to meet him around every corner. He tried not to shake beneath it, but use it to his advantage. He needed to act more like Ramsay than Reek, or even Theon. Who was he other than layers of masks? What if under all those lies there was no soul?

He made himself focus and picked an expensive store Ramsay got his nicest clothes from. Ramsay didn't like Reek to shop there, he like to pick Reek's clothes himself. Soft, light, simple jeans t-shirts mostly. Nothing he could ever be taken too seriously in. What Ramsay really _loved_ was for his pet to wear his own unwashed clothing. Especially after he had worn it to bed, so Reek would bare his scent. He had sent Reek with his father in a shirt he'd worn that day, his sweat and Reek's tears had soaked into it. He told Reek to wear it to bed and think of Master and what how he would want him to behave at the funeral. He looked so small in Ramsay's clothes, he felt so possessed by him. He grabbed the first bottle of cologne he saw and sprayed himself with it. He probably used too much, but he felt better.

In the dressing room, the mirror held a handsome stranger. _You don't look like Reek anymore_ , he thought, you don't even smell like him.

**THUD THUD**

The door thundered and he jumped back into the corner, sinking. The door was growing, the room contracting, his heart pounding, shallow breathing, he was dying!

"How those pants working out for you?"

"Is he with you?" Theon cracked open the door and peeked. Just the guy who worked here. "Oh, I thought maybe my friend Michael was here," Theon said sounding casually disappointed. "I told him to meet me, but I guess I can't wait much longer. Yeah, the clothes are great. Thanks for your help," he finished, in a somewhat patronizing voice. Then he pretended to text his friend while shutting the door. Just like a pompous, spoiled brat; nothing like a runaway hiding a panic attack. He fell to his knees and caught his breath. When the world stopped spinning, he took the tags off what he was wearing. He slammed the tags on the counter and smiled, "I'll take what I'm wearing, all of these, and the cologne."

He put his old clothes in his old backpack and stuffed them in the garbage by the restrooms. He texted, **I need to tell you something urgent. Very private- sending the foster boy. Expect him in an hour. Erase this message.** One more store then he'd make his call. The mall was still fairly busy but it was starting to get dark; he had to find someone fast. A woman dressed casually, looking a little tired and lonely caught his attention. She was heading towards the exit. In the parking lot, she pulled out her keys used the key fob to beep her car horn. After wandering a moment or so she heard it. When she got to her car, a handsome young man was frantically searching through his leather messenger bag. He looked up at her with pitiful big blue-green eyes.

"Ma'am, is there any way you could help me? I've lost my keys and I have got to get these papers to my boss before his meeting starts or being fired is the least of my problems. A nice matching leather folder filled with papers was in his hand. "I can give you the directions, I have them pre-programed in my phone. I don't have cash on me but..." he looked around trying to think, "well, here. I can give you this. I was going to get it for my boyfriend, but with the bonus I'll get if you help me, I'll get him a bigger and even nicer one. It's a bit showy anyway, isn't it? Please? I can't tell you how much you would be helping me. Do you like silver? I actually have a gift receipt if you don't."

She looked him over and considered it. He wasn't much older than her own son. He had such sweet eyes and a soft voice. His thin wrists and thick eyelashes seemed to promise he'd never hurt her.

"Let me see how far it is from here, I can't remember, I'm so frazzled! What a mess I am! Oh! Only 15 minutes! Wonderful! Oh, please say you'll help me! He showed her the directions on his phone and moved just a little closer. He pretended to accidently close the map application. A picture Roose had saved on the phone of he and Ramsay waited as the background. Ramsay had an arm around him, his wide smile was close to Reek's neck. Roose liked them to have some "happy family photos" in case they were needed to keep up appearances. Theon never appreciated them until now. He knew he would be less threatening to a woman by herself this way.

"Well... ok, honey... I guess so..." she said smiling shyly.

"Thank you!" He hugged her gratefully and jumped in the passenger's side of her car. "You think I can leave my car overnight? Will they tow it?" He asked, anxiously watching the car next to them. He was really worried the owner would come unlock it before they pulled away. Soon, however, the nice woman was following his phone's GPS and the mall was behind them.

"Where's your work, honey?" She asked.

"Just a moment, I'm sorry!" the timer he set went off, he pretended to answer the phone. "Yes, I'm on my way now. About ten maybe fifteen minutes. I'll call right now." Then he really dialed. "Hello, Mr. Lannister? Did you get the message? I'll be there in ten minutes." He hung up and said, "I'm sorry, I'm being so rude while you're saving my life! I work at the Governor's office, for the Secretary of Finance, Tyrion Lannister."

"Oh," she said vaguely impressed, but mostly wanting to be polite. "What a great opportunity for a young man just starting his life!"

"Oh, yes, and thanks to _you_ it's not one I lost." He gave her his warmest, most charming smile, and he meant it with all his heart.


	11. Just Want to Start This Over

When they pulled up to the gate, Theon could hardly believe it.

"Thank you, thank you! Please keep this gift from me," he told the kind woman as he got out of her car. He didn't even hear her saying she couldn't possibly take it, he was so excited he kissed her cheek and nearly ran to the guard before remembering himself. He stated his name and business. Miraculously, he was expected. Everything was working out so well. _Too well, it will just hurt worse when he finds us._

"Theon? Is that really you?" Tyrion was pouring himself a drink when Theon has let it.

"Yes, sir, but..." he waited until they were alone. "I'm afraid I'm here under false pretenses."

"How can that be the case when Roose gave me no pretense to speak of? He just said it was ... he didn't text me? I don't understand, it was from his phone." Tyrion watched the boys face carefully. Theon was already breaking under his gaze. "Theon, what's happening? Is Ramsay making you act against his father? Why were you sent here?"

"I need your help!" Theon fell to his knees and begged the way his body remembered to. "Please, I have nowhere else to go!"

"Oh dear Gods, you ran away? Is that what happened? Sit down, please, stop that groveling, it's really not necessary. Here, let me get you a drink. Did you do all this yourself?" Theon gratefully accepted the drink and told him everything as it had happened. "That is quite a story, but I'm still confused as to how and why you ended up here?"

"Mostly good luck... I think I wondered for a day... was it two? What day is it?'

"It's Saturday. Look, Theon, only an utter fool would get between the Bolton's and what they want and I am just smart and sober enough to not be an utter fool. I'm sorry, I can't help you. Why would you come to me? We only met once and I don't recall being very nice to you."

"Your words weren't but... I have a way of seeing people. I, I just knew that you understood how it feels to live with a family that..." Theon struggled to word his feelings correctly. If he was insulting, all was lost.

"A family that never wanted you? That you never belonged to? I know something about it. I still can't do anything for you. What did you want, anyway?" He tried to appear unmoved but there was heartbreak in his eyes and he was deeply curious.

"Just advice, if nothing else. You're the smartest person I've ever met. Smart in _this_ way. You've been fighting for your life since you were born with physical limitations, only your charm and wit have allowed you to get as far as you have. What will it cost you? Time? You'll be entertained, won't you? I'll drink with you all you like, and sleep here on the floor or leave when you're done with me. You have guards and that phone next to you, what could you possibly lose?"

He chugged his drink down and poured another before beginning again. "First of all, we have to think of how to get rid of that card without making you penniless. Then we have to think of where the hell you can stay without it."

"Let's look at the cloud account attached to my phone. You know, like the one you managed to disable on yours?" Roose said, sitting at Ramsay's desk. Ramsay shrugged and smiled bitterly. "Did you think I didn't know?"

"No, but now I know you don't know how to fix it," Ramsay smiled with real pleasure now. "Then we can see where your card was used."

"Do you know how to log into my credit card account?!" Roose asked unhappily.

"Me? No, of course not. I _might_ be able to figure it out if you need me to, though." Ramsay looked at the calls made and where they were made from.

"If you're so damn clever, why have you failed so many classes?" Roose said dryly.

"Dunno. Learning disability? Boredom really, lack of incentive. Then I found some," his eyes left the screen to look at his father a moment. "and my grades got much better, didn't they? The Woodlands Mall. Where is that? He only made two calls, Kyra and ... whose number is that?"

"Tyrion. Why the hell would he call him? Let's leave after we check the credit card record. His teacher's will expect him to be absent a few days, what with his grief and all but we don't want him wandering around too long alone. I think you should send him a message... just to let him know you're thinking about him." Roose stood up and left.

Ramsay when to the phone's contact list and smiled. He had one game to set up first. Then he sent his message.

Roose's phone buzzed in Theon's pocket. Tyrion stopped talking and waited as he looked at the message:

**I want my Reek back**


	12. What It's Like to Be in Chains

At first, Tyrion thought it was a seizure.

He still hadn't ruled that out when he wearily got closer to Theon, until the boy started crying. Like a newborn, the sound seemed to only signal that he was alive. The unfortunate child curled up in a tight ball. Tyrion was ready to call the Bolton Estate before he got himself in any real trouble, but it was difficult after the clever man crumbled into a little boy. So young and lost... he was fighting bravely.

"Alright, alright! Here take this to your adoptive father then, orphan." A brown paper bag hit Theon in the head, and he came back to himself, confused. "Tell him that's the last bribe I'm paying him; a deal's a deal. The whorehouse I frequent is perfectly legitimate. It's not real blackmail to me, not for this price. Here's their card. Tell him to _go there himself_ and see."

Theon just stared, unsure of what this was, but was, at least, smart enough to stay quiet while he figured it out. Tyrion rolled his eyes when the boy sat gaping at him, but when he leaned closer his tone was sympathetic, " _Lot's of friendly faces there._ That is why I go! Good company, good gambling, and great chicken wings, actually. Now get out, and don't ever contact me again."

Theon got up, more exhausted than ever and went to leave. "Thank you," he said quietly, not looking back. He meant it but felt he shouldn't shatter the shared deceit.

"Theon," Tyrion called out just before he shut the door. "You have to get rid of that phone. If I were you, I'd throw it out the window." Theon just smiled with his all his melancholy charm.

He put the folded brown paper in his messenger bag and used some of the cash inside to get a cab to a hotel in the town on the card Tyrion gave him. He got a nice room and started to feel a little better. He wanted to take a shower, he needed to, but he wasn't supposed to clean his stomach. Ramsay was supposed to take off what he left on Reek when HE wanted to. It had probably been sweated off by now anyway, it didn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Part of him wanted to call Ramsay. He knew that made him a sick, stupid, person who probably deserved to be less than human; crying at Ramsay's feet. So he did take a shower just to prove to himself he could. He kept the bathroom door open and kept seeing a figure there when he wasn't looking. As fast as he turned, however, it was gone again.

He hadn't thought to buy pajamas so he climbed into the empty, cold, and unscented bed in just his boxers, with the phone. He looked at background. He should change the grey screensaver just to really sell the lie ... he'd probably need to use it again. He went to Ramsay's facebook page, even though it hurt to see. He had a kind of superstitious feeling that he was making a window for a demon to enter just by looking at these pictures. Much of this thoughts were beyond reason now, he needed sleep. He saved one of Ramsay laughing as his screen saver.

He remembered Damon taking it when they had played paintball for Ramsay's birthday. Ramsay was winning, he loves winning. He loved the shock, fear, and embarrassment of people he ambushed. He kept his Reek close and didn't give him a gun. He was only there to watch his Master, to beam at his success and laugh bashfully when Ramsay would whisper to him. "Watch this, that dumbass Alyn thinks he's sneaking up on Damon. I'm gonna shoot him in the neck and he's going to be so pissed he'll run around like a dumb fucking ape, beating his chest." He hit his mark every time, and every time they danced like puppets, just the way he said they would. Reek didn't want to think it was so funny, or to feel so special, or to admire Ramsay so much...

 _Just go to sleep. Start again, tomorrow._ But he texted Ramsay back, it must be the exhaustion making him. 

**I'm sorry. I still love you, always and only.**

He'd just send that as a kind of insurance. He blinked away a tear he was trying to ignore. Maybe if he was caught Ramsay would remember and stop short of killing him. Maybe it was goodbye. It was just one message, he would get rid of the phone tomorrow.

He turned out the light.

The phone rang.


	13. Don't Open Your Eyes

"Yara!" Theon couldn't believe it, he remembered the funeral he missed. How could he have forgotten his own mother's funeral? His own mother, whom he never once visited since she was hospitalized. He told Roose he didn't _want_ to go. There was his sisters face, like a ghost trapped in the tiny bright light. Only just now did he realize he had let his sister die in his heart. He had heard rumors she was murdered, and then after years of silence he'd buried her blurry memory in some far corner of his mind.

This could change everything. He never imagined this door would open to him. To meet her again as Theon, not the other. He dreaded facing her disgust and disappointment with him. Once that would have seemed like an insurmountable wall, not it was only an inconvenience. Maybe he had changed.

"Yara?"

"..."

"Yara?"

"REEK!" Theon threw the phone across the room. It bounced off the wall then laid screen up on the carpet. He could hear the laughing from the floor. "Pick up the phone. Come here and talk to me. Reek! Come on, Reek. Don't make me angry, I just want to play with you." Theon didn't want him to be angry. Laughing was better than angry.

"Where's Yara?" he wanted to sound angry, his voice stumbled to its knees before the two short words were through. More laughing.

"I don't know! Dead, you little idiot, it was just a joke."

"How did-"

"Hey, I need to you to do something for me," Ramsay said, friendly and casual like nothing was wrong. "I can't sleep without you. How have you been sleeping?"

"I haven't. Not yet..." Theon took the phone back to bed. Something between relief and despair pulled his head to the pillow. It might just be exhaustion. His body wasn't sharing any secrets with him, it just gave out on the bed.

"Do you remember when you tried to top me? I was thinking about that. You don't have to say anything. I just want you to listen to me. I want to hear you breathing." He was using his sweetest voice to lull his Reek into that exquisite place Master made for him. There's no resistance or fear here. No real thoughts or worries. No pain. Just mindless, debilitating, pleasure. Now Theon began to wonder if he was addicted to it and calling his shameful weakness a 'disease' while it ate his life away.

" _You're so precious when you're afraid of me._ You asked so meekly, trembling, crying for forgiveness with your eyes, even when I said 'Yes.' Remember? I wasn't angry was I? I didn't hurt you, did I? It was just a bit of fun."

 

***

"You wanna play a game?" The flames were dancing in Ramsay's eyes. Theon knew this was a mistake. He should never have tried to any control back. He just wanted to be inside someone again, to remember how it felt.

"I'm sorry, please, it was stupid. Please don't be mad, I thought you might like it. I'll never ask again." he rested his head on Ramsay's broad chest and looked up, shaking.

"Shhh, it's alright, sweet boy. I'm not angry, see?" He pet Reek's face. He bit his lip trying not to laugh, yet his fixed gaze was razor sharp. "I just want to see if I can top you with my hands tied behind my back. Don't be scared, it's funny! Don't shrink away from me, I want to play. Here," He took leather cuffs from the night stand and gave them to Reek, kissing him on the cheek. He turned and put wrists together behind his back. "Come on, come on. I need you to try or I _will_ get angry with you. You don't want to disappoint me," he looked over his shoulder at Reek. "do you?"

"No, Master." Reek put the cuffs on and locked each in place. Ramsay spun around and dropped face up on the bed.

"Even better! Hands behind my back blindfolded! Go on, go on!" He bumped Reek with his knee pushing him towards the night stand. "Go on, go on, already!" He was giddy. Reek wasn't sure what this meant, but it scared him. He still did as he was told. "Ok!" Ramsay yelled, "Ravage me!" and he burst out laughing. Reek smiled too and climbed on top of him. He kissed his mouth first, gently. Ramsay pursed his lips, but then more laughter burst out.

"Stop it!" Theon said, smiling a little too. He felt more like Theon now. "Wait, I'll try harder... _is that still want you want?_ "

"Yes, that's perfect! Tape my mouth or I'll just keep laughing at you. Don't make me tell you over and over just do it. Hurry, for me."

Theon did as he was told again. Ramsay couldn't stay still, he seemed so excited. Maybe this is what he really wanted all along? Theon starting sucking Ramsay's neck then bit down hard. Instead of crying out, Ramsay rubbed his face against Theon's. Feeling encouraged he tried squeezing a nipple, but Ramsay just smiled and he chest shook as he tried not to laugh again. Now Theon was feeling frustrated and feeling less nervous. "Oh yeah?" Theon said squeezing Ramsay's neck, "And what if you like it? What will you do then?" Ramsay said something still laughing, but it was impossible to understand. He was getting excited, he rubbed his leg on Theon and then used his right calf to pull him forward. Theon grabbed the lube and got his cock ready. He touched Ramsay's knee and slowly pushed his pelvis forward when the leg snapped around his waist and twisted him down onto the mattress. Ramsay rolled so his back was on Theon's chest and pushed down as he lifted his ass to slide the handcuffs past. Then he pulled his knees to his chest to slide them past his feet. Nearly all of his weight was on Theon's chest for a few excruciating seconds. The world turned red and starry at edges. He rolled over again and got up on his knees. Reek took gasped and let his lungs fill with air again. The tape and blindfold were ripped off when Reek tried to sit up, and Ramsay's smiling face came crashing down on him.

"That was a good try, little boy, you funny thing." The chain in between his cuffs pushed Reek's neck to the mattress. "Oh look, you're much happier now, aren't you?" Reek moaned in reluctant pleasure. He didn't want it to be true. " _Me too._ "

 

***

"You remember that, pet?"

"Yes, Sir."

"You keep playing my game, don't break any rules, and I won't hurt you very much. Don't endanger your life, and don't let anyone touch you. Do you know what will happen if you fucked somebody?"

"I would never-"

"What would happen?"

"You would kill me."

"No! No, you _still_ don't understand. That's ok, it's alright. You'll learn. I'll make you learn. _I love you_ , you stupid dog. I love you like no one else loves another. That's why I HAVE to keep you safe, even from yourself, so you don't ever REALLY leave me. I would never kill you, pet. I would kill _them_ " he spoke with such gentle, loving, passion, he should have been proposing. "I would kill them slowly, and painfully. They would scream and wail, asking why them? What did they do? Why is this happening? What do I want? Won't somebody help them? And you'll be there watching and listening to every single moment. I'll make you come for me while they die, so you _understand_ who you belong to. Yara is never going to call for you, pet. No one else is coming for you, only me. You only belong to me. Say it. Just say it once, and I'll let you go to sleep. I'll give you another chance to get away in the morning."

"I belong to you, Ramsay. You own me." Theon whispered into the phone.

"Good boy. You can go to sleep now. You can run far away tomorrow and use all kinds of clever tricks to escape me. It's alright, pet, it's just a game. Remember what the rules are. Goodnight, Reek. I'll be seeing you."

Tears fell silently for a minute or so, but then Theon did fall easily into a deep, much-needed sleep.


	14. I Will Remember to Forget

Theon stood in front CandyLand but he wasn't sure why.

He walked there after checking out. It felt good to walk around somewhere new in silence. Now that he'd stopped moving, uncertainty caught up with him. Why was he here? Was this even what Tyrion meant for him to do? Should he even trust Tyrion? Maybe he just gave Theon the card and money to get rid of him, which was generous enough. He paced in front of the entrance, ruminating on things when a familiar face seemed to glow from photos on the board outside.

As he stepped inside the building, a beautiful woman at a desk with a guard in a corner behind her stopped him. "Whoa, honey, this is 21 and up only facility. Go back home."

"I'm not here as a client, I'm here to see my big sister, Ros." Theon waited in a back room kitchen area with two loveseats and a television for roughly two hours before Ros came to see him. Workers taking a break talked to him sweetly and petted him. He wasn't the first person running from a bad relationship to show up there. In fact, everyone seemed to know his story, though no one was cruel enough to ask. It was a very nice place to rest, but a sign reading "GIRLS ONLY" kept him from feeling too comfortable.

"Pretty Theon! Did you say I was your sister, that's a little twisted." Ros finally came in and threw her arms around his neck. She kissed him on the cheek and he jerked back with a gasp. "Oh, baby, what happened?" She went to touch the bruise on his face but he grabbed her wrist. He let go quickly and smiled apologetically.

"I just don't want to be touched. I had to see you. I'm trying to get out of a bad situation. Ros, I don't need money, I just need some kind of direction or plan... I have no idea what I'm doing. I think there are police looking for me, I have some-"

"Theon, slow down. First, why would cops be looking for you? What did you do?" She sat down on a loveseat; Theon sat on the other one.

"I ran away. Mr. Bolton said he would call the police."

"Ok, so first of all, you're almost eighteen, you're allowed to run away in this state at seventeen. You don't have to go to school either. No one can stop you. Ok? You're with a friend now, sweetie. This is a good place for starting over. Theon, you look terrible! I mean, you look really good, but you _look fucking terrible_. Let me get you something to help you feel better, then we'll try to work things out."

That evening, Theon walked back feeling much better. Ros and her best friend talked to him for awhile. He could get a job at a music store in some shit area an hour and a half from wherever the hell he was. He could buy a trailer there with the cash Tyrion gave him walking distance from the store. He could get a fake ID and new social, but that would take a few months, and he was told to expect problems. Problems usually meant paying more money, and he was told that would start running out quickly. With no rent, mortgage or car payment; he'd get by on part time minimum wage but he wouldn't have much left over for the bribes needed to get a new identity. Ros kept telling him he should make himself more money with just a few quick parties. That's when he knew it was it was time to leave.

He had to use a credit card to get the hotel room, and once he checked out tonight the hotel would charge it. Ros's friend told him to get rid of the card tonight. He wasn't smart enough to have realized every transaction would be listed on Roose's account. He still hadn't thrown the phone away. If Ramsay called and told him to crawl back he wasn't sure he wouldn't any other time. What a stupid bitch he is. He could tell Ramsay, 'Fuck you!' now. That was a great idea! He should call him now. The phone was dead! God damn it! He can charge it in the room; it would take forever... does it have to charge all the way to work again? He could remember, but he felt really good and was so excited for everything to work out! He had lots of plans. Should he leave tonight or tomorrow?

He couldn't use the card anymore after he checked out, but he couldn't throw it away either; he was told not to. Keep the phone, keep the card, don't let anyone touch you, don't endanger yourself, no hitchhiking, no drugs... what freedom.

"Well, if you want to be free, start acting like it," Ros had said. "Here's some empowerment for you. Just to get you through the week. Remember if you find yourself needing extra money, just come back and see me." As soon as she pulled out the baggy he could taste its bitterness numbing the back of his throat.

"Don't show that to me, I can't look at that and just turn away!" His desire had swallowed up his fear before it had a chance to sway him. He made a stand, he reclaimed his body and his life. It's HIS to destroy if THAT is what he fucking wants. He told himself to spread it out over a day or two, but he needed just a little more now. Maybe he'd stay just one more night and leave tomorrow.


	15. There's a Shadow Just Behind Me

The next day Theon was a sinking ship.

Darkness seemed to hang around his eyes. He jumped to check his phone and stumbled off of the bed. He didn't make any calls, the phone was charged. That's right, he remembered now. Reality was so sharp and unforgiving, all his pain had come back stronger. Maybe just a tiny more for the long day ahead of him. These were extraordinary circumstances, he needed to help himself any way he could. Once he got set up in Lutch, then he'd get his shit together and work some kind of life out. This was just the start of things, he just needed a push to get through...

Ros's friend Kate drove him to Lutch. He paid for her gas, bought her lunch and some sunglasses she wanted. Kate talked cheerily the whole way. She seemed afraid of silence. She was chirping on about something while he was trying to go over and over what he was doing, and what he should do. "WELL?" she asked.

"What was that?" he asked, his jaw was clenching. Did she notice his teeth chattering? Were they? Why does the strong feeling have to leave so quickly and painfully?

"I asked if I could see it," she said, giggling.

"What?" an uneasy feeling turned his stomach.

"She said it was so big, I just wanted to see it," she said coyly. It felt like a trick. What if this was all a trick? It was, it was just a game, Ramsay already said so. He wasn't ready for this conflict. He couldn't have his body all the way back yet... it wasn't safe... he didn't want to be a prisoner in his own skin... he could never... Ramsay will find out... it was so stupid! The girl's just being stupid; he would ignore her.

"Hey I didn't mean to-" she went touch his back and he slapped her face.

"Oh no! Oh shit! I'm sorry!" He looked at his hand, shaking, shaking, shaking.

"I understand." She looked straight ahead with distant eyes and a flushed face.

"I- I'm sorry. It just happened. I'm so sorry I hurt you." She was somewhere else. There was a tear on her cheek. It was unbearable, and he couldn't fix it. He hurt this woman, who was helping him, who was smaller than him. He tried to hold his head together. He could feel the sting on his palm, it wouldn't let him forget. His sin was on his hand. He hurt someone, someone innocent, and he couldn't take it back. Maybe words could help, but none came forward. He gave in to the darkness pulling him down. He felt the cold blackness outstretched below, waiting to embrace him. Reek thought of Master. Master took agonizing decisions that could lead to bad things away. He was safe to be around because he couldn't be hurt.

When she dropped him off at the trailer park she was smiling sweetly. She was used to worse, and there was just no goddamn reason she should be. She was a nice person, and Theon had to leave her having only added to her suffering. He gave her more money, she was also used to that kind of apology.

He didn't feel much better when he got to the trailer. It was more of a camper. He could afford to buy it, though, and he put down two months rent on the lot. Theon had no idea how legal this was, but he didn't need an ID and he had a place to sleep for awhile. A woman with crying grandbaby on her hip showed him around. She didn't give her name, and they didn't talk very long. There wasn't much to show. Still, it was private and furnished with a bed, couch and refrigerator. It felt remote and safe.

Ros told him to go to the used c.d. store and ask for Melanie, a girl that used to work at CandyLand, but now owned the store. Monday at noon, she had told him, and he thought that was tomorrow. He checked the phone to be sure.

**Where'd you go?**

_What does that mean?_ He looked out the window. _Was I supposed to call? I can't! Fuck that, it's over._

He decided to take a long shower and get a nice outfit ready for his interview tomorrow. He left his dress pants and shirt hanging in the steam since he didn't have an iron. He paced around the room, thinking if he could just go to bed without a bump, he would know he was in control. He could just wait until morning.

He went to bed with the phone on his pillow, but he didn't answer Ramsay.


	16. The Sea's The Possibility

Theon woke up to the phone ringing.

Why didn't he turn it off? Why hadn't he got rid of it? He thought he remembered the area code as being from CandyLand. At last, he answered, flinching.

"Where did you go?!" Ros asked, in mock disappointment. "I thought you were going to be at the music store yesterday at noon, Melanie said you didn't show. Are you alright?"

"What day is it?" Theon looked around the room as if he could find the answer.

"Well, that answers that question. Hey, it's tough to make it on your own, Theon, you're just a kid. I bet you're running out of money. Why don't you try doing just one party? You'll make the money Tyrion gave you in _an hour_. He was going to spend it on me, you know. I know it sounds scary, but it's safer than where you came from. There are cameras and security everywhere here. You'd be _safe_ , you could make lots of money, and take _whatever_ you need to get by."

"Don't call me at this number, ok? How did you even get it?" he slowly walked around the camper checking behind each door with a jump. The best thing about the camper was the lack of places for a terrible surprise to hide. He threw open the shower curtain and threw up his arm in defense, but nothing was there to frighten him.

"You texted it to me! Are you running low yet? I can come see how you're getting set up down there. It can be just like old times! I miss your sweet face, Theon. Didn't you-"

"Shut up! Don't come see me! Don't call me! Stay far away! I don't... I can only risk myself! I can go today! Ok? I'll go in an hour and ask for Melanie. Thank you for everything, really, but we can't talk for awhile and you can't ask me to do that anymore." The words raced out of his mouth so quickly that he found he had hung up already and wasn't sure if the call even happened. He looked at the call history. He did just receive a call - it was real. He didn't remember texting Ros; what else did he do? He checked his messages:

**Aren't you talking to me anymore? Don't you want to play? Where are you? Give me a clue.**

He dropped the phone on the small stained couch. _FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS. He's getting desperate. He must have lost me after I left the hotel because I finally stopped using the card. I have to get this job. I need a new name._ He remembered a pen name he had used once; taken from his two favorite writers. He had to practice. If he didn't get used to saying it he would panic the first time he tried. This shouldn't be hard. It's the simplest thing in the world; three syllables. He really wanted just one little bump to help him feel brave and focused. No, no, not before the interview. He could compromise and prove to himself he was in control.

He took the razor off the mirror he left on the bathroom sink. He licked the razor slowly, with desperation. There had to be some left on it. Just a little bit, a few grains. He saw himself in the small mirror above the sink. He didn't look as good as he did in the mall. He looked sick. He didn't look like Reek, but he didn't look like Theon either. _Pick another mask; call the mask by name!_ He stood up straight and smiled warmly, in his right hand; the razor.

"I'm Percy Woolf," he told his reflection. It sounded stupid, but may be his least-stupid name.

**WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**

He shook the voice out of his mind. His dry sleep-deprived eyes stung and fogged. _I can't do this. I want to go home. I don't know what to do._ He slid a few inches out the bathroom doorway. Just enough to see at the phone still laying silent and passive on the couch. _It's too late. I can't give up now. I can't stop. I have to try. I broke rules, there's no going back. Time to push forward._

**WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**

He pressed the razor to his arm. The sharp pain was somehow disconnected from him. He relaxed for the first time since Ramsay had talked to him... how long ago was that?

"I'm Percy. Ros told me to come talk to you. I love music, I'm very organized and discipli-" he shook his head. _Stupid..._

**WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**

When he finished he was resting against the hallway wall with his feet on the bathroom tile. Now he just had to take a shower, get dressed and walk there. He didn't use, he would get through the interview and then take a little when he came back to reward himself. He was getting low, and low on money. He wouldn't have more coming in for awhile. Focus, focus! He checked the windows a few times to make sure no one was around. Just trailers, campers, woods and the street. Everything outside was gray, dry and ordinary. He had to check the windows and then behind the doors and then the corners before he could try to sleep or take a shower... or change... or try to eat. When did he eat last? He couldn't remember.

He walked to the music store with mixed feelings. He still wasn't sure where he was. He was too afraid to even touch the phone now, he had no television or internet. _Just concentrate! Believe your lie, or no one else will. Remember that baggie waiting for you, a reward for yourself. You are a fucking amazing liar! /reek rhymes with sneak/_ "SHUT UP!" he screamed out loud. A large man in a hoodie stopped talking on his phone and almost dropped his cigarette.

"Go home and sleep it off, kid!" Maybe it was just a tic, though. The boy certainly didn't look like a druggie, and he kept walking calmly with his head held high. Just another freak in this shithole. The man went back to his call.

The music store was fairly busy. People rushed about, bumped into him, talked loudly to each other. A man and woman were fighting in the aisle next to him. A young boy was whining about something. An older woman was all alone, calling meekly to employees to help her find the VHS tape her husband used to like, but no one helped or even listened. A man yelled at, what appeared to be, his girlfriend's toddler to "shut up". It wasn't fair. Doesn't everyone see? Don't they see all this suffering? And he's going to work here? In a place like this? It's a poor neighborhood outside of a nowhere city where Theon belongs; despite his the wealth he was born into. He was torn out of that world a long time ago and didn't miss it; despite everything Ramsay put him through.

Suddenly could feel it, as if summoned; the monster right behind him.

Theon slowly turned around, so scared to look. It can't be! He would never follow me here, he couldn't find me. Still, he knew it, before he even saw. It took all his strength not to cry out, but he couldn't stop himself from stumbling back.

"Hello, pet." Ramsay was smiling brightly. He talked calmly and cheerfully like an old friend.

"Wha-" his voice got tighter- his throat was closing! "How-how-ha!" Theon couldn't finish, he couldn't breathe! He was dying! His chest was tight, his heart was aching, he must be dying! A heart attack! He could HEAR his heart bursting! He going to collapse or die screaming right here, right now!

"Shhhh. Don't make a scene, or the game will be all over." Ramsay took a step back. He was glowing with excitement. "How funny you look dressed like that. It's like you think you're a man. Are you going to wear those clothes tomorrow night, when I come to get you? Do that for me. I want to cut them off of you. I got a new knife to celebrate your coming home."

"No, no, no-no-no-no," Theon cried in a near-whisper, clutching his chest.

"I have lots of new presents for you. I was so bored while you were running around; I went shopping. I thought you'd be more entertaining. Try harder today? Will you try hard for me? Make it worth my time, maybe I won't be so hard on you when we go home. I even helped you out, you'll see." He stepped closer and leaned in biting his lip, "Stop boring me. Oh, look, it's Melanie; the woman interviewing you. You don't want to be late... for that job you'll never have." He laughed and his eyes danced like flames. He waved goodbye slowly, and walked out smiling, with his hands in his pockets.

As soon as Ramsay was out of sight, Theon ran to the nearest garbage can and threw up. When he finished, he rested his sweaty forehead on the rim.

Melanie's white sandals and painted toes stepped into view on the floor. She sighed and said, "I think you should go home now."

'Go home' that's what everyone kept telling him, but it was too late now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter is a flashback from Part One of this series, Let the Fire Die Down Soon. The flashback was the launching point of this story.


	17. If I Could Start Again

Theon sat on the curb outside the store, head in his hands, afraid to move.

He kept looking for the monster in every shadow. He felt he was being watched and laughed at. He was too shattered to do this anymore. He wanted to call Ramsay and beg him to end this but remembered he had left the phone on the couch. Another mistake. Now the few blocks to the camper seemed to stretch out further in front of him than all the combined distance he had walked since he left Roose in the hotel. Even though Ramsay had said he'd come tomorrow night, every opaque object seemed to be hiding him. It was a very long walk, and he shivered the whole way.

He felt just a little better when he locked the door behind him.

"Done already?"

He spun around "Ros?!"

"Baby Theon!" She was laying on the couch texting on her phone but jumped up to hug him with a bright, if sloppy smile.

"DON'T COME NEAR ME!" He yelled in a low, hoarse voice he never knew he had. "What in THE FUCK are you DOING HERE?! What the holy fuck is wrong with you?!"

"What's wrong with YOU?" She pouted. But she did sit back down on the couch instead of coming closer. "I'm getting a lot of mixed messages from you. You need something to help you-"

"Shut up- just shut up! I'm trying to think! MIXED MESSAGES? How? How!" Then all the pieces lined up to point to the answer. "When I texted you my phone number, did I just say 'This is my number' or did I give you the number... from another one?"

"You said you were switching to a temporary phone and gave me the new number. Then you told me not to call you. You're going crazy, honey, come back with me. Let me help you!"

"You never gave me your number. I never asked... how did I get it?" He wasn't sure if he had started laughing or crying, but he was some kind of hysterical.

"You called... you called CandyLand when I was with a client and one of the girls gave you the number," she said but wasn't so sure now.

"Of course, I bet someone called to make an appointment with you and never showed up. Someone who wanted to know when you would be busy so they could say they were me and get your cell phone number. Then he had you call me... and I answered. He told you to come here? What does he want? He told me he had given me 'help.' That has to be you. He wants me to ... to leave with you! What does he know?" Theon's hands shot up to his head and started pulling his hair. "What did you tell him? What does know? Why would you come here? I told you! I TOLD YOU NOT TO COME!' Even he couldn't understand his own words by now. He was sobbing so hard he could barely breathe.

Ros was saying something that didn't matter when a fresh panic hit him cold between the eyes. He sprinted to his bed and looked under the mattress. The baggie was still there, exactly where he left it. He cried, but more softly now and with a fleeting sense of relief. He held it to chest took it to the sink and made a line this time. He licked the mirror when he was done and soon started feeling like he could think again. There was so little left. It was crushing. All gone, all gone, when he really needed it most. Coming down would be agony, but now it was time to plan.

He marched back to the main room and pointed to Ros still laying on the couch. "Give me my phone. I'm packing my bag and leaving. You will wait here for fifteen minutes then get in your car and drive back to your whorehouse without stopping. Don't talk to anyone, don't open the door, DON'T STOP. Do you understand me?"

"Honey, calm your tits down. Jesus, what the hell? I drove more than an hour to get here and you're kicking me out? Just come with me! I don't know what's going on with you, but you need help." Ros tried to look concerned, but she was simply annoyed.

"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! You never listen to me! You never had any respect for me! I heard you, I heard your stoned bitch ass telling people I couldn't get off with women! That having sex with me was like 'getting to fuck your gay best friend' that I think if I make enough women come I'll turn straight! You always treated me like a fucking idiot. Well, I'm the only man that ever made you come to all the hundreds you've been with, so what the fuck does that make you?" His anger left him and the raw truth of what he'd been saying came crashing down. "I wasn't trying to 'be straight', my _friend_. I was trying to make someone want me, but everyone left afterwards and just smiled and giggled at me in the halls. People wanted to talk, no one wanted to listen. I guess there's no one in me to be loved; just a lie reflecting back what I think people want to see."

Now the pain was numbing and the weight of things floated off of him. The world got a brighter and glossy. He felt ready to start over far away. _I can do it! I can do it right this time. Just one more chance! I just need to start again!_

Ros was talking. Trying to sell him on turning tricks, trying to tell him not to be afraid of his 'ex' - she had no idea what was happening and she didn't really care. She loved having him in her life years ago; a pretty boy all vulnerable smiles to her, all wide sympathetic eyes, slender neck, long fingers, slight wrists, soft lips, with a naked desperation for affection. She missed him and his earnest, fumbling, selflessness but now he was confused, angry and afraid. She never saw him as anything beyond what he did for her, so even though she was sure she loved him in a way, she just didn't care what he was going through.

She dealt with gross, rough, selfish men all her life who were cruel, blind and hateful no matter how much they took from her. Theon was different. They were _both_ whores. They both did what they had to, to get by in a shitty world and they tried to have some fun while they could. She just wanted to be near him again. She wanted the feeling of affectionately using the tenderhearted child, but he had packed his bag and was walking out the door.

"Just stay here, until three, get in your car, drive and don't stop until you're safe. I'm taking a bus out of here, so I don't need you, or your car. I don't ever want to hear from you again." He told her through the down-turned slit in his new, cold face. Then he was gone.

It took less than half an hour for Theon found a bus stop. He waited, with no idea where it might take him. It was best that way. If Ramsay was here waiting and wanted to hurt Ros, he'd have to choose between that or following Theon now. If they had left together, he'd probably torture her and make him watch. At least Ros's blood wouldn't be on his hands. Maybe he could just talk to Ramsay. If nothing else, make sure his attention was off of Ros while she got away. He pulled out the phone and dialed.

"REEK!" Theon jumped and almost tossed the phone. He fell hard on his right knee stretching out to catch it. Rolling hills of laughter through the phone's tiny speaker. Was he watching from somewhere? Theon looked all around. "Well? What do you want?"

His courage fell away and broke on the pavement. Silent sobs made his chest convulse in aching hiccups, " _I wanna go home with you,_ " he dryly whispered. He folded in on himself and cried hugging his knees. It was the unbearable truth that caught and gutted Theon before Ramsay did.

"What do you think is going to happen, silly boy?" His voice both sharp and soft, he continued and there was an intensity and honesty between them Theon couldn't deny anymore, terrible as it all was. "I'm coming to get you. You know that. You want me to come right now? Because you're scared, tired and lost? You don't want to play anymore? Tell me. Beg me, if I'm right."

So Theon burned away and Reek arose. "Yes, please, Master, please! I don't want to play anymore, I don't want to run! I don't know what to do! Everything fell apart! Please take me back!" He cried and felt the relief he had when the blade carved his arm. "I remember you told me you're the only person who sees me. You're right. I look at everyone with begging bowls for eyes. You're the only one who really looks back at me. You're all I have. Please, can we go home now?"

"Soon. Let me tell you what will happen. I'll come for you at sunset tomorrow. I want you to scream, cry, beg and come for me. Then, when I know you understand that _you belong to me_ , I will take you home and retrain you. I will MAKE you love me, and one day I'll forgive you. Right now, I need you to entertain me. If I'm not having fun, I'm going to get angry. Do you want me to be angry?"

"No, Sir. I'll play. I'll be good."

"I'll see you tomorrow, at sunset. You keep this phone on you, and run."


	18. Take It With the Love It's Given

Theon decided to ride the bus to the end of the line, because Reek could not.

Reek could not make decisions without Master. He didn't want to wander in cruel places where frozen hearts intruded upon him. If Master didn't want to come get him, he would sink, agonizing from the severance, into the cold dark which waited for Theon. But at the fifth stop, a man came on the half empty bus and sat next to a woman wearing headphones and reading a book. Theon didn't want to see, he had to make a plan for himself, but he couldn't look away. The man took up as much of her space as he could and started loudly giving her "compliments" on which of her body parts he liked. Theon couldn't look away. His fear and hopelessness dissolved and a new kind of focus took over. The woman hurried off at the next stop, the man followed her, so Theon followed him. He clicked the razor he'd been using back into the box cutter Ros gave him and stalked silently.

"Leave me alone!" The woman turned and yelled at the man. Theon slipped up behind him. Quickly, robotically, and without a word, he grabbed the man's neck with his left hand and plunged the razor in with his right. It landed on the man's ribs, below his heart. Theon he dragged it across dragged it towards himself. When the shocked stranger finally screamed Theon woke up, pulled his razor out, and walked away in the darkness. The man was on his knees yelling profanities further and further away. The woman had run before the razor even went in. Theon felt the scar on his own ribs throbbing.

 

***

"What did you tell him?" Ramsay in front of him, a knife in his hand, a smoldering darkness playing on his every feature. The basement was dark and echoed. Theon's hands were duct-taped above his head onto one of the cold steel poles supporting the weight of his new prison. Ramsay stepped closer, his icy eyes seeing through every lie before it was uttered.

"I-I, it was nothing! I had to! Please stop! Let me go, please! Just leave me alone, I'll never say anything! Never again!" Theon was weeping and thrashing.

Ramsay turned and walked to the collapsible tray he had set out. The tape, scissors, rubbing alcohol, and a knife. His hand drifted between them. He sighed and his hand slowly dropped towards the scissors. "I believe you." Then his hand jerked to grab the tape. "I believe you'll never say anything again; after tonight." He grabbed Theon's flailing feet and drank in his hysterical crying. "I love how you beg me. It's a talent you have, honestly. It just gets to me." He smiled and stood up to look the boy in the eyes. " _Did you tell him I hurt you? Did you tell him I touched you?_ Did you show him where on a little Reek doll?" He laughed biting his lip, and grabbed the hair at the back of of the boy's head by it's roots. He pulled it to the side to make him yield his slender neck. Theon moaned at the hopelessness crushing him. He hated the monster! He hated his touch! Ramsay started licked his neck and then started sucking and biting down slowly. More pressure, more pressure, more pressure. He didn't want the monster touching him! He didn't want to like it! His body was betraying him... it made him so sick.

"GET OFF OF ME! WHY?! Why are you doing this to me?" his voice ripped out of him; it felt more like bleeding than yelling. The warm mouth pulled away.

"But you want it."

"NO! Please, I only told him you hit me! I would never tell anyone how you touch me, I'd rather die!" Theon was spitting the words out as they boiled up out of him, but they kept falling flat and cracked. The large rough hand traced his bony chest and the frozen eyes met his.

"Than what? You'd rather die than what?" Ramsay "Than anyone know that..." Theon only hung his head and sobbed with shame and a choking sense of frustration.

"It's not fair, it's not fair. What did I ever do to you?'

"' _It's not fair. Ramsay hurt me. Why me? Someone help me! Please, please, let me go!'_ You want to be a fucking martyr? You'd rather die than people know you're my bitch?" Ramsay went to the tray and flew back with the knife. There was hurt in his eyes, and Theon didn't know why, or how bad that was for him, yet. It was all so new and full of dread then. "Let's see if you got your wish." He stabbed Theon in the ribs and sliced with the blade at an angle so the cut opened wide. Theon screamed and his eyes rolled back. "Well, the martyr bleeds! He lives yet! Should we try something else, my suffering saint? How would you like a nice St. Andrew's Cross?"

"No, please, what do you want? What do you want? Please!"

"No? No. You don't really want to _leave me,_ do you? That's an awful thing to say to say to me. Why would you steal my favorite toy?"

"No, I don't! It hurts! It hurts! I'm sorry." He focused on the pain in his ribs to get past his pride being shred like carcass thrown to hungry dogs. He wept miserably.

"Who owns you?" Ramsay lifted his face with both hands. His glacier eyes only ever crept imperceptibly forward. One day Theon would be swallowed by them.

"You do. You own me, Ramsay." No begging the monster now. Just begging the darkness to claim him and let him sleep-

"For how long?"

"Forever. Always."

"Again! Louder!"

 

***

Theon walked around downtown Tradeford where the bus had apparently left him. He had to try three hotels before he found one that would take cash without an ID from a boy who didn't make a convincing 21-year-old. He finally talked the woman at the desk into it by making a nice security deposit and using all the charm he had left. He only had two hundred dollars left now. He wasn't sure if he should spend it all now doing things we may never be able to again, or save it and hope to get some kind of ticket that would take him far away. When he got to his room he locked every lock and then started the jarring process of checking behind every door in the room. He kept the box cutter in this hand, without really noticing. He took a long hot shower with the bathroom door open. Every time he closed his eyes he saw Ramsay there and would open them again with a jump. He heard the phone ringing. He got out of the shower and drying himself with a towel, pulled the phone out of his messenger bag. It was a number he didn't recognize. He wasn't going to answer, not if he didn't have to. He paced around drying himself and then swiped the phone and texted Ramsay.

**Was that you calling me? I didn't recognize the number.**

**That's alright. Where did you go? You didn't get a ride with your friend?**

**No.**

After five minutes Ramsay sent another text.

**I didn't expect that.**

**Are you mad?**

**No. Do you still want me to come get you?**

**I love you. I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry.**

**You don't want to tell me where you are? Give me a clue?**

**Do I have to?**

Another long pause; almost eight minutes.

**No. If I can't find you tomorrow night, will you still text or call? It doesn't have to be from Roose's phone, but I need you to contact me.**

**I will, I promise. What time?**

**If I don't find you by 8 pm text or call me from whatever phone. Then you win. We'll work something out.**

Theon had no words at his disposal when they seemed so urgently needed. He had to think of something. He yearned for Ramsay to know he would be alright without Reek. He did have some love within him, maybe his next relationship would be more healthy. Theon did love him, unlike Reek, he hated himself for it. There's was tears stinging his eyes again. He didn't care to understand why. He tried to mold his feelings into an empty tactical ploy, but he could never lie to Ramsay.

**Thank you. Can I go to sleep? Could you tell me I can sleep now? Please?**

**Are you safe?**

**Yes.**

**Ok. You can go to sleep, pet.**

**Thank you, Sir.** He erased and retyped the last words three times but eventually sent it. He told himself it was just buying a small piece of insurance.

When he woke up the next day, he found he had slept through check out. He had asked for a wake-up call, but never got it. He only had six hours until sunset. He had an idea of where to go with next to no money. The place he had meant to go all along.


	19. I Go Where I Please

Theon didn't have to use the phone to look up his Uncle Rodrik's number; there was a phone book in the hotel room and the number was listed.

There was a map of the county on the back of the phone book. He wasn't familiar this area and still wasn't sure how far he was from home. That wasn't his home anyway. He saw Tradeford, where he was now, and found Grey Gardens, where his uncle lived. They were both on the far west side of the county. He had only remembered his mother's family lived on an island, and he knew the coast was west, so he had tried to follow the setting sun in his wanderings. He'd been blown off course so many times, however, he was afraid he'd be hours away. He was afraid he would somehow be back in the North, but he wasn't. Grey Gardens must only be a half hour drive away. With the money he had, he could just take a cab! He could be there today without using the card or phone.

It was like a gift. Maybe some force of nature had finally helped him; was pulling him back out to the sea. To even hear the waves again; _that_ would be coming home. He called his uncle from the phone in his room. As soon as line clicked he nearly shouted.

"Hello?"  
"Theon?"  
"Yes! It's me! Can I come see you, please? I need to talk to you."  
"Of course. Yes. I've been expecting to hear from you since Lanny- since your mother passed away. Where are you?"  
"I'm coming, I'll be there in about an hour, maybe and hour and a half ok?"  
"Sure, sure. I'll be here. Theon, you'll need a code to get into the community. Do you have something to write it down?"  
"Yes! Yes! Hold on!"

As he was getting ready, he remembered his dream from the night before. Whenever he slept too long he had vivid dreams. In this one, he was getting ready like he was now, but then a boy came in and washed his feet in rose water. The room was dark and lit by candles. The boy was behind him putting sweet oil in his hair, then laid a crown of baby's breath on his head. He never saw the boy's face, he scurried in shadows, but he knew it was Reek. There was a door looming over him. He knew the monster was coming.

He opened his eyes to look for him, but nothing was there. He swore when shampoo burned his eyes. He dressed as nicely as he could with the clothes he had. He used the cologne to smell like this new, separate self. The man who checked him out of the hotel asked if he would like to call a cab.

"That would be perfect. Thank you." Just perfect.

The ride was fairly short; only half and hour. The land gently started sloping downwards, the sky opened up and took more and more of the horizon. He rolled the window down and a salty breeze kissed his face. The smell and feel of the air transported him to his early childhood. He had come here with his mother and sister every Summer until he was eight. When he was eight the life he was born to have was ripped away from him. He was so glad Roose didn't take him to his Uncle's now, this was much better. It was all worth it for this. It was only two in the afternoon, and he had already crossed the long bridge and made it into Grey Gardens.

A gated community, he'd almost forgotten how rich his birth family was. It couldn't be more perfect. The taxi pulled up to a guarded gate, Theon entered the code, and the gate graciously opened to let him inside. His Uncle's house was enormous, but it seemed even bigger as a child. He recognized where he was, but didn't seem to remember it. It felt like someone else's life, but that could change with time. Before he even got to the door his Uncle Rodrik was waiting.

"My god, you have your mother's eyes." He looked Theon over with a pained expression. "You're getting white hair already. That's a Harlaw trait I'm afraid."  
"Oh, do I? I just dyed my hair," he laughed a bit awkwardly.  
"White hair is hard to dye. It shows up so easily against black. Your brothers had black hair..." he seemed distracted by memories and walked into the house. Theon shut and locked the door behind him. The house had tall open ceilings. The rooms seemed to be for looking at, not living in. "It's probably best that you didn't come to the funeral. Your mother wasn't well, I wish she'd never- ah, I can't help her now. I'd like to help you, though. It's vital to me that you're taken care of. I didn't see your sister there, you know, I'm afraid you're all that's left of mine. Theon followed him through an enormous library into a beautiful kitchen, which didn't seem to have any food. Theon couldn't remember the last time he ate something.

"Could I trouble you for some water?" He asked politely, hoping it would lead to an invitation for something to eat.  
"Oh, sure. Help yourself. I'll show you to your room." His uncle poured himself a glass of wine. Theon took a glass from the same cabinet and poured himself some water.  
"My room?" he tried not to shake or cry. He made himself breathe slowly.  
"Follow me." His uncle walked off and Theon followed him upstairs to a hallway. It was such a large house for one person. He remembered this hall now, he and Yara would sleep here, in the two rooms across from each other. Seeing it as an adult put it in a very different light, even while it felt familiar. This house was even nicer than the Bolton's, he'd just taken it all for granted as a child. "You remember where the bathroom is?"  
"Yes, thank you. Thank you for... thank you." His uncle pointed down the hall, smiled sadly, and left him.

Theon knew Uncle Rodrik has loved his mother. She named his older brother after him. He was clearly still in mourning. Was Theon a comfort to him or painful reminder? He went to the bathroom first and washed the baggie out, all its contents going down the drain. He threw it away without even licking the insides. This was good, this was a good start.

He walked into his old Summer room and flew right up to the window. He could see the ocean. He opened the window and heard the waves that used to sing him sleep as a child.

"Found you."

He spun and the monster was there, behind him.

"NO!" He pointed as if making a command to universe _TAKE HIM AWAY, IT ISN'T FAIR_. "NO!" He picked up a figurine of a ship and smashed it against the wall. It broke just like hope on the rocks of reality.


	20. Knives Out

"WHY?! Why are you here?"

Theon was in agony. He tasted the world he once belonged in, he thought he had awoken from his nightmare, and here was the monster in _his_ family's home. It was the one safe place unblemished by terrors, a place where he had been truly happy. It just wasn't right, it just couldn't be so! It felt like the devil had followed him onto sacred ground while God turned His back.

"I came to get you like you asked me to," Ramsay spoke calmly and slowly, as if to petulant child. His icy eyes were smiling.

"No!"

"No?"

"That wasn't me! It was... _him_. He's gone now!" Theon tried to surreptitiously slide the box cutter from his bag to his pocket as he spoke.

"He is?"

"Yes. He can't, he doesn't mean anything- he's isn't ... without you..." It was hard to think. He couldn't find the right words. "He's gone. I killed him. That's what happened."

"Oh," Ramsay looked down, disappointed. "You've changed already, without me? You have new clothes, new hair, _new smell_ , ready to start a new life? Is that it? You don't need me anymore? You're leaving me because you killed _REEK_?!" He lunged at the last word. Theon jumped and hit the wall behind him. He fell hard on the knee which was already bruised.

"Fuck!" He was curled against the wall but tried to force himself back up. He kept his back on the wall and slid up to standing.

Ramsay was laughing so hard he had a tear in his eye. "You looked like a cat! No, no, you've totally changed. Really, I see it now. And you've been doing well then? You don't look so good. You look pretty pale and thin, even for you. I didn't think I'd have to tell you not to cut your hair, _Reek_."

"Stop it."

"I thought you would know better than to mess with _my_ things."

"Stop!"

"You didn't even ask permission. Like you did to sleep, didn't you, _Reek_? You haven't been eating, have you, _Reek_? Who tells you to do that? Who tells you what to do? Say it. Tell me."

"No, just stop. Stop, please, it's over." Theon spoke with conviction, but he was shaking.

"How could you possibly believe that?" Ramsay wasn't even angry yet, just laughing at him. He noticed Theon looking anxiously over Ramsay's shoulder. "Oh," he said, wincing. "Is this what pity feels like? Ew. You don't think your uncle is coming for you, do you? Who do you think called me? How do you think I got here, you little idiot."

"No!" Theon kept shaking his head as if to keep what he knew to be true from getting into his mind.

"No? You're saying that word a lot. You're not allowed to say that to me, _Reek_." Ramsay's face darkened though he was smiling. He stepped forward, Theon shrunk back. "I know you're upset. I know this has been hard for you, but you should've paid attention to me. You didn't listen when _I told you_ only I would come for you. Where else are you going to go? After we talk awhile, when the sun sets, I'll give you one last chance." A smile lit his entire face aglow. "I've been very patient with my bad puppy, and more than generous. There is an important lesson in all of this if you've paid any attention at all. No one else wants you. No one will help you. No one else loves you. And for the last time, my dull little pet, no one else is coming for you, only me."

"You don't love me," Theon whispered sadly, just loud enough to be heard. "But you _did_ make me love you. You won that game, and I'll never be rid of your ghost in the darkness along each path I take, your form behind every door, your fucking voice in my god damned head! But this, _this is my home_ , this is _my family_ ," Theon paused and stood aghast at the reality facing him. "You shouldn't be here."

" **YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE** " Ramsay bellowed like a rabid animal, baring his teeth. " THIS IS NOT YOUR HOME! You should be at home WITH ME!" Ramsay collected himself and briefly checked the open door behind him. "Who do you think told father about Alannys's death? Did you imagine he had read it in a fucking newspaper? Who the fuck else would even know her name? It's cute that you thought we didn't know about him. Did you think we were hiding you? That he was putting your photo on milk cartons and lamp posts? Do you really think he wants to be responsible for you after he buried his lunatic sister? He JUST got rid of that burden and look what you're trying to do to him. Oh no, you really don't look good, now," he said coming closer and lowering his voice. "You haven't had a thing to eat, you've been doing all this running around," he came closer still, "your blood pressure is already low, you've just raised and dropped it, you're hypoglycemic. I see it in your white face. You have such a weak constitution, little boy. You're sweating, you're trembling, you're eyes are glazed over, your blood's run away, you're heart's fluttering, you can-"

Theon collapsed in a cold sweat, his eyes rolling, "- hardly stand."

He picked the boy up like a broken doll and took him to the bathroom. He held him so he could see himself in the mirror. He was a tiny, twitching, trembling corpse. He couldn't think, he felt nauseous, feverish, and so shaky. "Look at yourself," Ramsay continued in a low, stern voice. "Do you see what you did to my favorite plaything?" Ramsay seemed to prick his ears at a noise far away from sickness Theon was rolling in. "Here, drink some water."

Ramsay carried him back in his old room. The monster thrust himself into Theon's happy memory, not caring what he was tearing apart with his intrusion. He left the door open and sat on Theon's old bed. So small now, it creaked under their weight. Ramsay went through a bag he had left there and pulled out Theon's blood sugar monitor. He hadn't needed to use it for months... since Ramsay took over his life. Ramsay set a new needle in and poked his finger, smiling. It seemed to push Theon further into rolling waves of vomit that wouldn't exorcise themselves. He started to heave. The earthquake inside him was going to erupt, he was going to die here like this, but the frozen abyss offered no comfort for him; this was white-hot horror.

"Sixty-three, that's not good, Theon," Ramsay said more loudly. He reached for something else in his bag. Theon thought he saw his uncle Rodrik in the doorway, but it was so hard to think now.

"Don't leave me with him," He tried to say, but his mouth was numb and his throat was dry, "he's going to eat me."

Ramsay laughed and cradled him. "Here, I have a nice big chocolate bar for you. You have to eat it slowly, very slowly. Then we'll wait fifteen minutes and test you again."

Ramsay caught Rodrik's eye though he hadn't meant to be seen. Ramsay smiled knowingly and nodded to him. Rodrik had felt a little uneasy after hearing shouting and banging and had ended up peering into the room where Lanny's little sandy-haired Theon had slept so many lifetimes ago. Now he felt absolved of whatever feeling had gnawed at him. _He knows what he's doing with the boy. He has him under control._ Rodrik nodded back at Ramsay and hurried to his library where he could close out the uncomfortable scene and it's bothersome noises with thick, heavy, doors. The Bolton boy said he just needed some time to stabilize Theon. They would be gone by dusk tonight. Fine, let the young man use his abundant strength and energy. The last of Rodrik's was buried with his sister a few days ago. He had nothing to give to other people and preferred to commune with the ghosts and worlds of the page now.

Ramsay licked his lips. He wrapped his left arm around his Reek, holding both his little arms down against his bony chest. Theon tried to call out, but when he opened his mouth, Ramsay slid the chocolate bar in with his right hand. "Slowly, slowly, no teeth yet. Not yet," he whispered caressingly in his pet's ears. "Bad Theon, we have to break you don't we?" Theon just cried and whimpered. He didn't bite down, he did as he was told. He was fading away; the other was rising now. It was an awful struggle and he was so very tired. "Shhh, lick it, lick it for me. Is that my good boy? Is that my Reek coming back to me now?"

Theon pleaded wordlessly, but he was dissolving under the monster's laughing frozen eyes. Reek was in bliss, he nuzzled Master's chest and cried from happiness. It made Theon so sick; so small and sick that an ache in chest pulled him down and he had to disappear completely. Ramsay kissed Reek's forehead.

"Shhh, slowly, slowly, like a good boy. There you are, I found you."


	21. The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get

Ramsay felt something more delicious than contentment with his Reek helpless and dependent in his arms.

"You can bite and eat it now. Let's check the time. We're getting close. Look; the sun is falling into the ocean." Reek's eyes were still rolling though he tried to focus. He was coming back. Ramsay could see him convulsing on their bedroom floor last winter. He hated it, he didn't know what was happening to his stupid puppy or why. At the hospital a nurse came into the waiting room and explained everything; it was because he didn't eat. He did it to hurt Ramsay, he was trying to get away. Father said Ramsay was too reckless with his toy and had to take better care of him if he wanted to keep him. "If you can't do something as simple as _feeding_ him, I will send him away and get you a plant. The police won't come to my door if you manage to kill a cactus." He had intrusive flashes of stabbing the boy to death as he slept wired, and beeping through machines in the hospital bed **YOU DIE WHEN _I SAY_ YOU DO!**

But he sat in the dull waiting room with its cheap uncomfortable chairs grinding his teeth instead. He called his mother before he got too upset. He really was getting better, much better. He wasn't impulsive anymore, and she was so proud of him. She talked to him on the phone for a long time that night, and assured him Reek didn't plan to leave him; he was sickly and didn't care about himself, "but you love him, don't you, sweet boy?" she had reminded him soothingly. "You can take care of him, he needs you to. Don't be angry with him, honey. Sometimes when you worry about someone it comes out as anger, and then you do something you'll regret. I know, I know it is his fault, but he doesn't know any better, does he? Don't be afraid to love him, Ramsay. He needs you to. Do you understand? He hates himself, he _loves you_. He's scared of loving someone and being loved back. You just need to learn how to... well, relationships take a lot of work. You've both been through a lot, haven't you?"

She always made him feel better, calmer; especially over the phone. In person, she still insisted on jittering and jumping away from him and he could see she was hiding secrets. He hated how she kept herself from him, but she said she did it so he could have the life he _deserved_ to have, and he was patient now. He was much better since he took Reek home with him. Reek's chest and shoulders were spasming with the wailing he tried to suppress. Ramsay pulled him closer and held him tightly. He pressed his face to Reek's wet cheek. Reek's muscles melted. His breathing got slower and more even. "Good boy."

"Ramsay, don't use that word 'love' it's beneath you," his father had told him when he was only 12 and had just moved in. He was trying to make Roose take him to his mother, trying to explain why it was his right to see her. "It's weakness. It's a vulnerability that will be used against you." Reek sighed. The breath was soft and warm on Ramsay's throat. He felt the bridge of Reek's nose rub into the base of his neck. Reek's eyelashes lightly brushed his skin when he closed his begging eyes. Ramsay smiled.

He stroked Reek's hair mindlessly and held his little pet in silence until the fifteen minutes had past and it was time to test his blood again. It felt good to stay still like that for awhile and not be itching with miserable boredom. Just a warm kind of happy in still silence. Ramsay knew he was a monster deep down and used to fear he'd never have anyone for himself, no matter how hard he fought. The setting sun was a blood orange now. It was time to begin.

"Wake up, puppy," he said, stabbing Reek with the tiny needle. He liked the click as it shot out of the monitor. He liked how Reek jumped in his arms. He let the tab suck in the blood. "Good. Eat some more." He broke off another piece of chocolate and pulled it away when Reek tried to reach for it. He dropped his arm and laid passively in Ramsay's lap, held by his arm. His big, sad puppy eyes rolled up with mute apologies. Ramsay smiled wider now, his eyes were dancing. He fed Reek the piece. "I'm not going to eat you, you stupid dog." He snapped at Reek's neck and beamed at his trembling recoil with bared teeth.

"I have some new toys, and I'll show them to you." He stood up and laid Reek down on the bed. Reek whined and tried to rise as Ramsay pulled away, but stopped when his Master's expression flashed a warning. He lied down and curled up into himself. "You've been a bad boy. A very bad boy. You broke lots of rules and you tried to leave me. I DID NOT ask you to speak. Father told me you didn't want to be taken by your family, and you were sad about your mummy," Ramsay talked while going through Theon's bag. He sneered at it, pushed the screen out the window and flung the bag all the way to the rocky shore below. He started to gather his things and put his backpack on as he continued. "I really don't give a shit. That doesn't excuse your bad behavior. I TOLD YOU that I would always come for you. YOU need to start listening to me. I don't give a single iota of a FUCK about the vagina you were pushed out of." He adjusted his backpack so it was strapped securely to him and lowered himself to Reek's eye level. I'M YOUR FAMILY. I am your mother, I am your father, I am your only lover, your only god. You and your life are _mine_. I will destroy anything that comes between you and I and make you watch so you _understand._ "

He stood up and stepped back wearing his hunting expression.

"You look much better. Are you ready? Do you know someone who tried to come between us? I think you do. She's waiting for you."


	22. Can't You Show Me Nothing but Surrender?

"No talking, just listen very carefully. Here's the game. Ros is sleeping in a motel not far from us. She should wake up in about two hours. If I get there in two hours or more and she's gone; I'll let her be. I'm going to give you a ten-second head start-"

"Please!" Reek jumped up and Ramsay grabbed his throat before he could say another word.

"I told you _no speaking_. Now, I'm going to count to _five_ Mississippi, and we're going to play hide and go seek. If you keep me running for two hours and we don't get to Ros in time, you win. If she's still there when we arrive, I win. One-"

Reek sprang off the bed and ran through the house trying to find the entrance. "Mississippi," He remembered enough to find himself struggling with the locks after slamming into the door.

"Two Mississippi."

He threw the door open and ran into the darkness outside. He ran down the street then felt he should get further into darkness, away from the street lights. He ran through a yard and tried to find a path to the beach below he used to use as a child. He had already passed it. He went back and took the path. It dropped quickly zigzagging down the steep cliff. He didn't count to himself; how much time did he have? He followed the sound of the ocean. The ground became softer, the siren waves breaking on the shore rang more loudly in his ears. The spattering of thick thorny bushes along the path got thicker and he raced on towards the shore until tall, soft, swaying grasses took it over. They waved him on towards the black ocean.

The moon shimmered like jewels on the coming waves. He could see it, he could feel and smell the spray in the wind now. The dark rolling sea was calling for him. It all happened around him like a spell he was under. No thinking, no planning, no goodbyes or regrets, only beautiful freedom bursting out of his soul. Everything else peripheral to the ocean. Theon was alive with an animal drive and he started to laugh.

The sand got softer and softer as the ocean got louder and the air saltier. No hiding, no shaking, no shriveling up; running, to the sea, to jump in, to swim and be swallowed, and carried far away! A wordless need burst his heart open, his feet sunk into powdery sand landing awkwardly now. The rhythmic roaring of the welcoming waves was upset by a roaring somewhere behind him. The sand finally got harder and smoother. This is where the waves landed at high tide.

He was so close now. The wet sand sucked at his shoes and slowed him down. One shoe stuck and his foot slipped out then he fell and the back of his right thigh was shocked with an impact that sent a cold shock to his bone. He pulled himself up from the shore, but when his thigh twitched the coldness in his thigh turned to sharp agony. He cried out and reached back.

He felt a handle in his thigh. He looked over his shoulder with sinking dread. The moon showed him the monster's silhouette standing on the shore, holding something just above his shoulder, level to his ear. Theon ripped the knife out, only feeling warmth following the knife as it left, and running down his leg. He struggled sloppily towards the waves. Clawing, crawling, stumbling, he didn't feel any pain or fear, his focus was thoughtless and unbroken. As his hands and knees dug in they landed in more and more water. Finally, a little white bubbling rush of water reached his hand gently stroking his forearm. Theon smiled. Then his head was thrown back, looking at the star filled sky a moment before the wet sand leaped up to smack his face. He was laying on his stomach, in some shock. There was a cold weight in his right shoulder. How much time had it been?

He tried to pull the knife out but he couldn't curl his right shoulder enough to let the left stretch so his left arm could wrap around and reach the handle. He finally reached around the back of his head gritting his teeth he tried to pull it out but seemed to tear the wound more, pulling the knife at an angle instead of straight out. He stretched his left hand out as far as he could. The bubbling water rushed up over it and came to lick his face. He opened his mouth to lick it back as it slid away. He could take of the sea with him. At last, he let himself rest and enjoyed the water softly sweeping past him trying to pull him out. He tried to take every sensation into his being. The sound that rocked him to sleep as a young, untroubled boy, the salt in his mouth, the way the white moonlight sparkled and danced on the restless nothing stretching out into eternity.

The cold weight was pulled out and warmth followed it out and spurted down his shoulder. He was flung on his back. He smiled like a child at Ramsay's dark face. His eyes were two moons on troubled waters. Waves rushed back to claim him, but its touch brought fire to his wounds and he screamed. Ramsay was barking something at him but he couldn't hear over the ocean's protests. Ramsay pulled his shirt up and brought the knife down. He cut the clothes away. Tore them apart and threw them to the furious sea. The wounds on the back of his shoulder and thigh broke their silence and were screaming now.

Theon was in nothing but his boxers when Ramsay finished and threw him over his shoulder. He watched the sea shrink away one bumpy step at a time. His stomach felt like a punching bag and it was hard to breathe by the time Ramsay climbed the steep drop back to the road. The pressure of Ramsay's hard shoulder digging in against his diaphragm was forcing Reek to a cough and gasp in strange, quiet ways. He'd left Theon quite happy in the water below. Ramsay opened his trunk, and before Reek could understand what was happening, he was dropped in and the top slammed down on him. The streetlights disappeared at the sound of it, and he was left in darkness. He rolled on his left side.

The ride bumped, rolled and rocked him. The trunk carpet was rough on his wet skin. Warmth was still seeping down his leg. In his delirium, he thought he had pissed himself. What would Master do to him for that? He didn't mind being in a dark, closed space for the moment. The road sounded so much different here than it usually did; louder, messier, closer, angrier. The car finally stopped and he rolled backward. It the pain in his shoulder was excruciating. You never know how much you use a muscle until it hurts to do so.

Ramsay threw the trunk open. Reek smiled up at him like they had just shared an inside joke. Maybe it was naughty of him, he wasn't thinking well enough to be able to tell. Ramsay pursed his lips trying not to smile back. "Idiot." He picked up the boy and carried him through a gravel driveway to a small, dark motel room. It looked like the kind of place illegal things happened; a place that, maybe, they belonged in.

Once in the room, Ramsay put Reek on his stomach on the floor. He rinsed the wounds with bottled water and bandaged them with gauze and tape. He liked treating his pet's wounds. It was a way to enjoy his pain a little longer and feel more in control. He loved his Reek to lay submissively in his suffering and be cared for whether he wanted it or not. Ramsay loved looking at the back of his head and neck, especially when his head was bent towards his chest. The hair wasn't right and it bothered him. He didn't notice Reek's left hand curled under his stomach. He picked Reek up and threw him on the bed. He turned two lights on and saw the girl was still there unconscious on the floor.

Ramsay took off his backpack and pulled out the syringe, spoon, and baggie the girl had brought with her. "Don't worry, pet, I won't wake her up. There won't be any screaming." He was concentrated on preparing her last fatal dose. She was already out cold with a heavy sedative, the heroine she, fortunately, handed right over to him would stop her whore heart. Nice, clean, and quiet. He watched the brown sticky powder melt and bubble.

"Please don't! Please! You don't have to hurt her!"

"She tried to taint you, she put your life at risk and _you let her._ This is for you. It's for your own good." He had to concentrate, getting the air out and the brown liquid in. He was getting excited; her heart would stop soon because he wanted it to. She would never talk to Reek again, or anyone. Never pollute the air with her breath. He loved this feeling, it had been so long.

"Master, please! I didn't do it! She didn't taint me! I didn't let her, or anyone! I didn't do it!" Reek was panicking and his words didn't make sense. Ramsay slowly looked over his shoulder at the wrecked boy.

"Are you lying to me?" He couldn't be, he would never.

"No! God, Christ, No! You can watch the tapes! The have security footage of every room there! I can prove it to you! No one touched me, and I didn't touch anyone, I left right after she asked me and YOU KNOW, you have to know that! I only told her to leave me alone after that. You texted her, didn't you? Didn't she say something about mixed signals?" His racing words were high pitched and moaning. His eyes were wide with terror.

"Stop babbling. What tapes? Where?" Ramsay stood up and walked towards the boy. Reek tried to crawl back but fell and cried in pain as soon as he flexed his shoulder. He started crying hysterically. "WHAT TAPES? What are you talking about?"

"What... what did... what are you talking about?" Reek tried to cower realizing some mistake he had made. He was a terrible at hiding things.

"Oh, you want me to wake her, then? I brought something for that. Do you really like begging as much as I do? Screaming, not like I've ever made you scream, it's different when-"

"At CandyLand!" Reek was trying to hide his face in the bed.

"What did you say 'no' to _at CandyLand_?" Ramsay walked over to him and grabbed his face with both hands. "Look me in the eyes and don't you dare try to lie to me."

"Um... I... I-I... well, _work_." Ramsay dropped his face.

"WORK," Ramsay tossed the syringe aside and pulled a knife out of his bag. "at CandyLand... I was talking about the fucking drugs. I didn't know she offered you a fucking job at her fucking whorehouse."

"WAIT, wait, please! I didn't do it! I didn't! Don't! Please." Ramsay flew in a rage towards the limp body. "Stop! RAMSAY LOOK AT ME!" Somehow hearing his name did get his attention and he looked over to see the boy holding a box cutter in his left hand. He started laughing at the little idiot.

"What? Are you going to attack me? Do you want to? Do you want to fight me? I'll put down my knife since you're using your left hand." He was suddenly distracted by his fury and eager to play. His pet kept surprising him. The whore's still breathing corpse wasn't going anywhere.

"I don't want to hurt you," the boy cried pitifully.

"Oh, phew! Thank goodness," Ramsay laughed, then stopped when Reek moved the razor, with heavy sadness, to his neck.

"I can't let you kill someone because of me. Think about your father, think about going to jail, think about your mother. She's so happy with how much better you've been. Don't do this, _please._ Don't take this step, don't do this thing you can't take back." There were tears in his eyes. The peaceful resignation in his voice worried Ramsay. "I do love you, I swear it! I never touched anyone, I didn't let anyone touch me- not like that. Take me home and leave her here. Please, Master?"

"That's a terrible way to die," Ramsay said calmly taking a step closer, Reek sighed and dug the razor down deeper in his neck as warning not to step any closer. "That's how I killed my brother." Reek's jaw dropped as the box cutter did. Ramsay jumped forward and swiped it. "Relax, I'm just kidding. I poisoned him. I don't think you would die, you're right handed and it's harder than you think. I could easily stop the bleeding before we got to the hospital, and you would live, but Father was very explicit that nothing above your stupid collarbone or below your tiny wrists... what's that?"

Ramsay stopped and grabbed the thin left wrist below the now empty hand. "Is that for me? Did you do that for me?"


	23. Promise Carved in Stone

It was only yesterday, but that seemed impossible. Theon had sat in front of the bathroom mirror in that small camper in the middle of nowhere.

He stood up straight and smiled warmly, in his right hand; the razor. "I'm Percy Woolf," he told his reflection.

**WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**

He shook the voice out of his mind.

**WHAT IS YOUR NAME?**

He pressed the razor to his arm. The sharp pain was somehow disconnected from him. It helped to relax him, but the real comfort came from the sense of connection _Reek_ obtained. It was atonement, it was a promise, it was a payment. He carved his name in Theon's arm.

 

***

"Did you really do that when you thought you were away from me?" Ramsay held his wrist and stared at the offering in disbelief, yet he understood immediately. The letters were clearly made with sharp straight lines the width of his forearm. 'REEK'

Ramsay felt something he had no name for. He'd planned everything out, he had been fantasizing about tonight, adjusting and perfecting his plan, picturing every step, preparing for every contingency since Father told him Reek had run away. He saw the call had been made to Tyrion Lannister, then the credit card was used in Lutch where Candyland, Tyrion's favorite whorehouse, stood. It took less than a minute to do an internet search and find out that Theon's ex-lover Ros was working there. Then all he had to do was find out her schedule by making a fake appointment, get her number from a coworker when she was away, and text her as Theon asking her to come see him. He thought she had told him everything; thinking he was Theon. She went on and on about the interview at the music store, the drugs, their past, but she hadn't invited him to try sex work; which was probably for the best. Ramsay didn't plan in a blind rage and things would have gotten very messy. So instead, an excited Ramsay waited outside Candyland and followed her to the camper where Reek was staying.

Then his pet starting surprising him. He didn't use her car to get away; he took the bus. He must have warned the girl because she was screaming as soon as he approached her. She gave up that he had taken the bus quickly, and he threw her in her own trunk. Ramsay pulled up nearby bus stops on his phone. Reek was waiting at the first one like he wanted to be caught. He was so adorable curled up on the bench all alone. He texted Ramsay like a good boy and begged to go home. But, Ramsay had his plans set already. Then Reek surprised him again when he didn't take the bus to the end of the line as a scared person fleeing someone normally would. Somehow Ramsay didn't see him get off. Ramsay had to search all the hotels and motels within walking distance of the bus line and call each one to find out which would take cash from someone under 21. It was frustrating work, and there were many annoyances distracting him. Her car was a stick shift, Ramsay had only driven one twice. The girl started kicking in the trunk, and Reek started texting him again. He had to pull over and knock her out with one of the sedatives Father used on him. This morning he had the girl in a motel which took cash and didn't have security cameras but he had only found two motels which Reek might be staying in, and still had ten more to go through. In the afternoon fortune smiled on him; Father called and shared the good news from Uncle Rodrik.

Since he found out about Ros he had been obsessed with the image of fucking Reek on top of her. She'd be drowning in tranquilizers, he would suffocate her thrusting into screaming, thrashing, crying, Reek. He wanted Reek to climax against his will as he felt her convulsing in her death throes on his back.To kill her, stop her heart as he made Reek cum for him; it was all he could think about the past few days. He was obsessed with the scene and kept playing it over in his mind. So when Reek begged so prettily to come home with him, he just couldn't allow it. But Reek had surprised him again.

When he ran towards the Sea just to touch it instead of hiding or running straight down the well-light street; Ramsay was surprised and had to use his knives to stop the little idiot from killing himself. He surprised Ramsay by smiling at him on the beach and in the trunk. He was a creative puppy. He knew he played the game well. They had an understanding; an intimacy Ramsay had wanted for so long but couldn't explain or demand. Now he found this sweet gift. Carved into his own arm when he thought he had gotten away. Maybe he was too sensitive to be so close to death after all. Maybe Ramsay could be merciful just this once. He was getting better every day. Reek was making him better.

He grabbed Reek's face with both hands and looked through his pleading aqua eyes deep into the possibilities between them. He grinned brightly at his pet. His nose crinkled, his lower lids rose smiling beneath his eyes, his sharp canines were bared. "Ok, I'll be gentle with my little doggie." He laughed to himself and swiftly grabbed the syringe off the floor.

"What- wait- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Reek tried to reach out, but it was done. He shot it right in her neck. It was done so quickly without a sound. She didn't react at all. Maybe he was wrong, maybe she would make it. Maybe this wasn't real. It didn't seem real, Reek felt like he was watching a movie. He didn't even feel the pain in his leg and shoulder anymore. Ramsay took a bottle of lubricant out of his bag and came back to the bed with the exact same giddy expression as before. He crawled over Reek and started kissing him passionately. Reek didn't fight or pull away. He just turned his head as tears came forth. "Why? Why? You didn't have to do that, why would you do that?"

"Shhh, it's fine, it's fine. It's over now. I forgive you," Ramsay's words dripped with honey. It made Reek sick with panic. In an agonizing flash, everything seemed so unbearably wrong. Unflinching reality crashed around Reek and he tried to flee his polluted body like he was escaping a fire. "Shhh, it's ok, I have you." He was insane. Reek realized his Master was absolutely delusional. He had fallen in love with a _killer_ \- a psychotic killer. And this mad killer was a part of him, he gave Ramsay everything and he couldn't take it back. He screamed and kept screaming like he was the one dying.

Ramsay covered Reek's mouth and smiled sweetly. "I know, I know," he pulled off the boy's boxers. "You belong to a monster." His kissed Reek softly on his forehead. He was lost in the throes of a complete panic. Ros started puking in her unconscious state. Reek knew she was on her back. This could not be happening. It wasn't happening. _This is not happening. I am not here. This is not me._ When Ramsay entered him, he was pulled back to the monster's eyes. "I need you to listen to me."

Ramsay grabbed his throat with one hand and squeezed, but not enough to stop his breathing. It helped to stop the panic galloping away with him. "Look into my eyes and listen to my voice. You're mine, only mine. You belong to me, forever-"

"Please, no, please stop!" Reek was crying. His words were muffled by the heavy hand over his mouth. "Don't make me, don't make me, please!"

"Yes. Listen to me. Only think of me. STOP. Stop letting your mind wander to the floor AND THINK ONLY OF ME. Hear only me. Only see me. Only feel my desires." It was impossible to fight. Reek was melting. Who was he? How had this happened to him? He was being swallowed. It was sick, it was bliss. "Good boy. There you go. Keep being good for me. You can never leave me. You will never escape me. You have no one else, and now you will understand. You will remember as you remember your name for me. I am your only mother, your only father, your only lover, your only god. Your life and all of you belong to me. There is nothing else in this world for you to touch. Now cum for me."

Reek died a little death which Theon echoed from some lost place in suspended in darkness.


	24. Funny How Everything Seems in Technicolour

Reek was curled up naked on the bed feeling nothing.

Ramsay hovered over him, tracing his nose up the boys neck to his cheek. "You did so well for me. I forgive you now, it's all over. We can go home, you'll have some new rules to learn now." He licked ocean-flavored tears from the boys face. Ramsay wanted to fuck him again right here in this room while everything was perfect, but there was a soft knock on the window. Ramsay frowned. He picked up the phone in the hotel room and dialed.

"I-I-I..." he was instantly shaking and stuttering, sounding shocked and broken as if he had flipped an internal switch. "I don't know what happened to her! You have to believe me, I didn't even have sex with her- no, no, I had nothing to do with this. She kept passing out and waking up, and-and she threw up, oh god! I have to get out of here!" He slammed the phone on the receiver and flipped the switch off. He wiped the syringe with his shirt, gathered his things in his backpack, then moved Reek to check the cover on the bed. He felt around for any dampness, but it was dry. He picked up Reek and carried him outside.

Someone was waiting in the dark for them. Reek realized the car he came in wasn't Ramsay's as they passed it. The butterfly and cross told him it was her car. Was it really, real? Did that actually happen? The event seemed to stay in the room as he was carried away from it.

"Well?" It was Damon. His large form followed Ramsay.

"What?"

"Where is she?!"

"In there. Let's go, and keep your voice down." Ramsay was smiling. Reek could hear it in his voice.

"There's no one here to hear us! Can't I even see her? What the fuck, Ramsay! I drove like two fucking hours to get here!"

"Yeah, thanks, buddy. Give me your keys." Ramsay was laughing now.

"Come on! Ramsay, are you actually fucking serious?" Damon stopped but Ramsay kept carrying Reek to Damon's car. Damon hurried after them and gave Ramsay the keys. "You're a fucking asshole."

"Well, you didn't ask nicely." Ramsay swung Reek around as he turned to face Damon.

"Dude-" Damon protested. Ramsay spun Reek back around and put him in the backseat. As he buckled Reek in Damon gave up. "Please!"

"Please, what?"

"Please, at least, let me see her after I drove all this fucking way and spent nearly 50 god damn dollars on gas that I know you won't pay back, even though you could just as easily buy me a new god damned sports car if you fucking wanted."

"Hmm, did you think that was very nice Reek?" Reek hadn't looked at him since Ramsay fucked him, and still wouldn't. Ramsay was too delighted with himself to care very much. "He said, 'No.'" Ramsay openly laughed in Damon's face and got in the driver's seat. Damon stood pouting awhile before finally opening the passenger door. Ramsay made the car jump away as he tried to get in. "Come on! Come on! Hurry up, bitch!"

Damon climbed in after Ramsay was laughing so hard he couldn't continue.

"FUCK YOU!" Damon said as he got in. It just made Ramsay laugh harder. He sped out of the gravel parking lot and left Ros behind. "Are you sure she's even dead? Are you really just going to leave her there?"

"I'm sure. Yeah, that's not the first or last hooker Little Finger lost to drug use. We should send Officer Friendly to go talk to those girls. I guess they can't 'Just Say No' though, right? Little Finger would have lots of dead hookers to clean up then. Eh? Eh? He does not like women, what's that about, huh? Fucking psycho!" he laughed maniacally at his own irony. "Sounds like a Bond villain, eh, Damon? Damon, look, _Little Fingah!_ " He curled his right hand around and acted like he was going to stick his little finger up Damon's nose. Damon slapped his hand away, Ramsay laughed more.

"CHRIST! Get off of me! I'm glad you had such a fucking fun without me. Great, fucking great for you, asshole." Damon crossed his arms and looked out the window.

"Damon. Damon. Damon. Look at me. Look at me, Damon. Damon, look at me. Damon!" Ramsay turned off the headlights as they flew down an unlit back road. "Daaamoonnn."

"FINE! JESUS! I'M LOOKING!" Damon braced for impact as the lights came back on. Reek hated that game. He'd be crying already if he was in the front seat and able to feel anything. Damon just seemed annoyed.

"Are you? Are you looking at me now?" He turned the lights off again and the world outside went black as they hurled through it. The game didn't bother Reek as much as it used to. Ramsay didn't get good grades, he didn't read books or think intellectual thoughts, but he did have some kind of animal genius. He seemed capable of doing anything with his body that he was motivated to do. Motivation didn't along come often, and when it did it was usually at someone's expense, still when he wanted to do something, his skill was unbelievable. Ramsay had a deeply held belief that he was more than human, _better_ he would say. Reek thought he was just a relic from an older, more feral age. He wouldn't wreck the car. He never did. Every day of his life he took chances which no one should live through twice and came out unscathed. No wonder he thought he was a god.

"YES! I'M LOOKING AT YOU!" Damon was cowering now. Normally, Reek would find this a bit funny. He didn't like that about himself, but he couldn't help it. He always had a sick sense of humor but had the decency to feel bad about it. Ramsay loved to make him laugh but every time Ramsay looked back at Reek he just sat there lifeless. No reaction, no response, it was getting a little annoying. At least, Damon was entertaining him in the meantime. He hated to be bored.

"Damon?" Ramsay leaned towards him.

"What?!"

"Are you sorry?" Ramsay smiled at him. His eyes seemed to shine with a poison menace, but his smile was a bright as a child's on Christmas morning.

"Sorry for what?!" This is more what Ramsay was like before Reek. Unable to stay still, always poking Damon, always pushing everyone around him. He wished the little shit was in the passenger's seat instead of him. He remembered why he liked the pussy so much in the first place; he took all the torture for everyone else and made Ramsay tolerable to be around.

"For being a bitch. Come on, come on," every time he said 'on' he flipped the lights on and off. He swayed in his seat as he said it. "COME. ON. COME. ON. COME. ON."

"I'm sorry I was a bitch!" Damon was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

"Good- it's not my fucking car." Ramsay swerved towards an oncoming car without taking his eyes off Damon but swerved back before it even started honking at him. "Here, stop being a bitch then." Ramsay grabbed something from his bag in the back seat and threw it in Damon's face.

"What the fuck, Ramsay?!" Then Damon turned on the dome light and looked at the baggies in his lap. "Oh shit! What is this?"

"Dunno. That one's heroine. I think the other is coke. Do people do coke anymore? Seems so 80s. Retro! Put on some music already!" Ramsay was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel and jogging his leg, still reeling from the high of killing.

"This is for me?" Damon was excited now.

"Yeah, cunt, that's why I threw it in your dumb ass face. It's a present. Aren't you happy now? Don't you love me again?" Ramsay grabbed Damon's chin and shook it before pushing his face away. Damon couldn't tell if it was cruelty or affection, but it didn't matter. These ounces of powder were worth more than gold and diamonds to him.

"Thanks!" Ramsay just flashed his teeth as some kind of demented response.

"That's not fair." A small but determined voice came from the backseat.

"What? What's that? The martyr lives? He speaks? What's not fair?" Ramsay was still amused, but there was a bit of tension where his laughter had been before.

"You. That's not fair. You put me through... you killed my friend, you said because of the drugs... before you knew- you already planned to kill her because she gave me drugs, and... but, you just threw them to Damon as a _present_! It's not fair!" His voice broke and he started crying at last.

"Oh. Oh, no. Oh, shit, Damon-"

Now Damon was laughing, "What?"

"I wasn't fair," Ramsay said in mock distress. He merged onto the highway and now lights ran to and from him illuminating his profile; making his eyes seem inhumanly white.

"You? No. I don't believe it. What about your charity work?"

"Yes!"

"Your good deeds?"

"Yes!"

"Your alms to the poor!"

"Yes! I have to be fair. I must be, pure heart like mine!" He gestured dramatically and Damon bowed to him like a fellow actor on the stage. He was rabid to be in on the jokes again. "You say I'm not fair, good child? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I don't care if _Damon_ dies."

"Hey there, my good sir! How dare you!"

"Aw, I'm sorry. I would care. It's just, I give you permission to do anything that doesn't get in my way. It's your body, it's your life." Ramsay put a hand on Damon's shoulder in false sympathy.

"I thank you." They were having so much fun. They both felt above society and it's stupid rules, it's meaningless opinions and pointless lives. It was a rush. They were careening towards Olympus. They didn't want to come down.

"Is it your life, Reek? Is it your body?" In the waiting silence, his eyes flashed at Reek in the rearview mirror, warning that this was not a just a joke. Damon was snickering.

"No. It's not mine... it's yours." Reek conceded, crushed by the honesty.

"So... you see my position? It's completely fair. I play with _my_ things the way _I_ want to. Oh! Wait, Damon, look back at him! Show him your arm, Reek!" Ramsay's anger dissolved and excitement coursed through him again. He turned on the dome light back on. "Stick your arm up here so he can see."

"Ramsay, _please_!" he whispered as his aching chest sunk in. Why did he have to say anything? He curled up in his seat, but Damon grabbed his wrist and pulled. His grip was firm, but not violent. Reek still cried out at the pain in his shoulder.

"Oops, sorry. The left one. His Right arm's ... injured." Ramsay was exiting the highway, but somehow still paying attention to everything.

"Sorry, buddy." Damon said softly and pulled his left arm up to the light, more slowly than he had the right. "Oh shit, that's sick! You did that to him?"

"Of course not! Look how sloppy it is! No; he did it _for me_." Ramsay smiled in a strange new way that made Damon's stomach drop.

"Oh. Hey, where are we?"

"At my car. Get him out for me."

When the lights came on as the doors were opened, Reek remembered he was naked and tried to hide. Damon loomed over him. His broad frame took up the doorway. He went to unbuckle Reek, but Reek tried to mumble something quick about being able to do it and unbuckled himself. Damon slipped a hand under his legs and one behind his back. There was a tight urgent panic in Reek's chest. "I CAN DO IT!" He shoved at Damon, but all his force didn't move Damon an inch. "I'm sorry. I'll do it."

"REEK! Did you yell at Damon?!" Ramsay shoved Damon aside. This time, he fell over.

"I'm sorry," he covered his face and crumbled into hopeless weeping.

"It's alright, Damon, I have him. You can leave now." Ramsay swept Reek up in his arms and took him to his own car. "Do you have to ride in the trunk, or can you be good for me?"

"I'll be good." _Just kill me. Why didn't you let me drown?_

Ramsay sat him in the passenger's seat. He took off his jeans and boxers, putting the jeans back on. He put the boxers on Reek. He then took off his hoodie and put it on the boy, zipping it up. "That's a little better." He put his hands through Reek's hair and leaned down to look him in the eyes. He moved his nose to the boys throat as Reek winced and tried not move away. "You smell like you should now," He said in a raspy whisper, close to Reek's ear. He clicked the seat belt into place and slammed the door. He got in and started driving them away from the camper. Away from the place he first laid hands on Ros and lead her to be slaughtered.

"You didn't have to kill her." Reek said against his will. He knew he should just shut up before he made things worse. Tears were welling up in his swollen eyes. He was so tired.

"I think I did. I think the next time you get a clever little plan in your puppy head you'll remember tonight. You'll understand that anyone who helps to keep you from me is signing their own death warrant. Before you think about getting close to someone else, picture putting a gun to their head and think how much you would like to pull the trigger. You didn't believe me before, you didn't _listen_. Now, I have your attention."

"Did you really kill your brother?" Reek asked, knowing he didn't want to hear the answer.

"My half-brother," he corrected. The corner of Ramsay's mouth rose.

"Why?" Reek whispered.

"He was in my way. Some people won't bend to let you through, so you have to snap them in half and walk over the stump."

"Did you love him?"

"No!" Ramsay gave him a sidelong glance in disbelief. "Why would you think that? I didn't know him really. He wasn't very reasonable or smart... well, book smart maybe. Not survival smart, it seems. It was quick and easy, very painless; nothing personal."

"How many people have you killed?" Reek was sinking back against the door. Ramsay hit the locks. The echoing clicks made Reek jump.

"Dunno. Not many." Ramsay's eyes rolled up and to the side as he tried to remember.

"You don't know? Don't you have like... a scrapbook or ... mementos... trophies?" Reek didn't know why kept talking.

"A scrapbook! Do I look like a fucking scrapbooker?! Oh, I see. No, no, it's not personal. They didn't mean anything to me. They were just problems, that's all. I wouldn't kill someone I care about," he leaned over and grabbed Reek's face pulling it to his. " _lucky you!_ " He released Reek's face and Reek jumped back against the car door. His chest was heaving and he unknowingly ran his left hand against the door. "Don't do anything stupid, Reek," Ramsay said keeping his eyes on the road. "I only have so much patience and a trunk with more than enough room for you. It could have held you and the whore's corpse together, but _I decided to be nice_ don't make me regret that.

"I'll be good."

"Good. Reek, do you think you could keep something from Father if I asked you to?" He kept looking forward, getting back on the highway.

"I-I... I'm not sure... I'm not a very good liar..."

"Sure you are, just not to me. Don't worry; if he asks you, you won't have to lie. Just don't tell him unless he asks. Understand?"

"Yes, Sir, I can do that."

"Good! Very good. We have one more place to go before home then."


	25. The Boy That You Loved

Reek gripped the door handle tightly. He was shaking again.

Ramsay called his father and let him know they would both be home tomorrow. Yes, he had the card and phone. No, he didn't mark Reek's face or hands. No, they wouldn't be back tonight. "I'm exhausted, and I want some alone time with him. I'll see you tomorrow." Reek didn't take his eyes off of Ramsay or his back off the door. A Smith's song Theon loved came on the radio. This song reminded him of Kyra.

They both felt like they had no family, but for awhile they had each other. He loved to go out with her. He'd do anything she wanted, but she never asked for much. Kyra had long red hair. She practiced art and witchcraft. She smelled like incense, her voice was deep and ironic. He made her laugh all the time. She walked around in storm clouds, and he could make them part. It was the best feeling. He thought about the portrait she drew of him one night when they were at Denny's. They had nowhere else to go. It was so pretty, he looked so happy in her shaded pencil lines. It was very nice, but it wasn't him. It was his mask, and Ramsay tore it apart when he found it.

"You like this song?" Ramsay asked. Reek had been singing, _I never never want to go home, because I haven't got one_. Ramsay smiled and changed the station. He laughed at Reek's frown.

"How could you hurt a girl?" He remembered kissing Kyra. She told him to be gentle and he was softer with her. _Anything._

"What? What does that even mean? It's easy." Ramsay put his hand on Reek's knee. "What does it matter? It's over. It's not like you were ever going to see her again anyway." He pulled back and used both hands to make sharp turn into a suburb. Orange streetlights raced over his profile, exposing his furrowed brow. His thoughts were somewhere else. He was planning something.

"I don't care if I never heard from Ros again, she should still be alive," he said defiantly. He dug his shaking nails into the faux leather. His jaw was aching, his shoulder and thigh throbbing now.

Ramsay rolled his eyes, "That doesn't make any sense. If you didn't see her die, you would never know the difference. Just remember that's what happens, and _get over it_. I'm done talking about it."

"No, it does make a difference. It's not _about me._ Her life is over, you took it from her!" Reek was sweating. He was grinding his teeth, his heart was fluttering, and he kept shaking, shaking, shaking. Things had to come to some kind of head, soon. Now!

"Ok, you need to shut the fuck up before you make me lose my goddamn patience. I don't have time for your whining right now, you spoiled, ungrateful little cunt. After everything, I JUST DID FOR YOU. WHY THE FUCK-" then Ramsay paused. He clicked the dome light on and squinted at Reek's face. "Oh, that's why you're being such a bitch." He clicked the light off and grabbed his bag from the back seat. He felt around and pulled something out while turning into a neighborhood Reek thought he recognized. "DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS YOU ARE SPOKEN TO. I can't break your pretty face until you graduate high school if you make me-" His hand flew up and clenched tightly, "I swear to fucking Christ you will remember it as the moment that ruined your life. Here!"

Reek flinched but when he opened his eyes, Ramsay was only holding out the chocolate bar. "Eat it, eat it, hurry up. Take three bites and give it back. We're almost there." Reek took it from him. Ramsay rubbed his hand over his mouth and set his jaw.

He was right. When Reek got to feeling like this, a reckless sense of urgency slowly worsened, eventually reaching a crescendo of hysterical dread. Reek felt no connection with the body that had betrayed him. He had incorrectly interpreted the critical need to eat immediately, as intense anger and dread, and so kept speaking rashly. It would only get worse, so he did what he was told. _How did he know? Why does he know everything about me when he's such a dumb animal?_ His own brazen thought made him start laughing. He wasn't sure why. It felt nice.

"Jesus fuck! Look what happens to you without me. You're a motherfucking mess, you sickly little shit, you know that?" Ramsay barked, snarling at him.

"What happened to you without me?"

Ramsay inhaled sharply. He could hear his anger ringing in his ears at an unbearable pitch. He turned slowly to Reek but cooled seeing his stupid face leaning in towards his shoulder now. His chin was tilted down, his big vulnerable eyes asked for understanding, his guileless grin held faith in Ramsay's mercy. Ramsay could see all the little gaps in his stupid teeth. So easy to see through; he was hurting to know that he was missed and wanted. Even after everything Ramsay just went through to keep him? _Needy little Idiot._ He looked back at the road so he wouldn't smile. "Reek, do you know why Father let me take you home? He always told me to love something was to have a weakness. He needed a button to push. I never had a weakness until you."

Ramsay put the car in neutral and turned the headlights off. "Well, maybe one. You should forget about other people, pet. They'll just be used to hurt you if you let them near what's mine." He lowered the windows and started looking around. He slowly pulled up to a curb and parked the car. The door opened slowly and softly. Ramsay motioned for Reek to get out and follow him down the sidewalk in silence. Ramsay told him to stay in front of a driveway and walked around the house. What time was it? It had to be well past midnight. When he came back around he looked up and down the street. "Stay here and watch to see if someone comes out of the house. If they do, just yell where," Ramsay whispered.

He strode towards the house and tried to unlock the front door, but it wouldn't open. He thundered upon it. "Wake up! Open the door!"


	26. The Monster You Fear

"Mum!" POUND POUND POUND "Mum! Wake up, wake up! Open the door!" Ramsay kicked the door in his frustration.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Reek sink to the sidewalk. He heard him retching into the lawn. Every time he tried to be angry Reek got in the way. He tried not to smile. The door flew open. A short woman with an athletic build and dark, wavy, hair stood there terrified. "Ramsay? What happened? What is it? Is it Theon?"

"Yeah, he's puking in your lawn," Ramsay said pushing past her. He stormed into the house. His mother ran out to poor Theon.

"Oh, Theon! I'm so glad you're safe!" She grabbed his hands and looked him over. "Come on, dear. Come inside. We'll get you some clothes, for goodness... oh, honey. Just tell me what you need."

Theon was so glad to see her. He had only been here twice before. It was wonderful. Ramsay didn't care how nice she was to Reek, or how much Reek smiled and charmed her. He wanted them to be close, so they were allowed each other. One other kind person with an understanding no one else could share. As she helped him towards the house he noticed all the lights turning on, window by window. "What's he doing?"

"Roose... upset him," she muttered. She sounded so defeated. When he first met her he was afraid she would be like Roose or Ramsay, or somehow worse. He was so surprised to meet a person.

 

***

"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" Reek opened his eyes, darkness laid heavy on them. Ramsay started jamming fingers in his ribs. "Wake up, Reek! Get up, get up! Come on, get up!"

Reek sat up and felt his way off the bed. "What? What is it?" _What time is it?_ He groped in darkness, finding his way to what, he didn't know. Ramsay grabbed his arm and pulled him to the bathroom. He turned on the light and started the shower. It took awhile for Reek's eyes to adjust to the painful brightness. He'd been naked in bed and was shivering and confused now with Ramsay buzzing around him. His arm was grabbed again and he was thrown in the shower.

"Hurry up! We're leaving soon!"

"Wait, what ... what I should I do?" He started to wake up under the warm water. He washed his hair and face, too tired to think about what was happening. Ramsay threw open the door and turned off the water.

"That's good. Get dressed." He pulled Reek out and pushed him into the bedroom.

"But- a towel- please?" He realized Ramsay was already dressed and wearing a full backpack.

He had coffee and keys in his hands. He sighed with exasperation at Reek. "WELL HURRY THE FUCK UP!"

"Yes, yes, Sir. I'm sorry." He barely dried off and came back. His clothes were laid out on the bed for him. He was dressed and downstairs in a minute. Ramsay was happy again when he came down. "Should I have packed a bag or... I don't... what should I do?"

"Get in the car. Come on! I have a surprise for you!" Ramsay beamed and put his arm around Reek running him out of the house. It was still dark outside. There was dew on the grass and fog made circles around every light.

After just ten minutes on the road Reek fell asleep again. Ramsay let him. He was huddled up in the passenger's seat. He jaw was hanging slightly open, his eyes were racing under his lids and every so often he'd whine at a nightmare he was having. When he woke up the sun was rising and he had no idea where they were.

"Hello, sleepy! This is where I grew up. You think it's not as nice as home?" There was clearly an absence of judgment in Reek's expression. Ramsay smiled "I had fun here. I'm going to take you to my favorite places."

"Did you sleep last night?"

"No. Father had to leave last night on business. He could be gone for a month!" Ramsay Grabbed Reek's face with one hand and jerked it close to his, "Do you know what that means?!"

Reek's stomach sank; no Roose to restrain him.

After he got gas and some food for Reek he suddenly pulled over in an empty parking lot. His features were manic. He flung open Reek's door and pulled him out around to the open trunk. He laughed at Reek's begging and screaming and slammed the lid on him.

Reek thought maybe he had done something wrong, but what? Theon thought he's tired of us, we can die at last.

The car rested and Reek heard voices. Then it slowly snaked around on gravel before finally parking. Reek hyperventilated as he felt Ramsay's door open and slam shut. The trunk popped open and bobbed.

"You didn't peek, did you?"

"What? I don't-" Ramsay pulled him out. They were in a huge parking lot. He could hear a roller coaster rumbling and swooping as people yelled. He smelled popcorn and the slight odor of warm trash.

"Surprise! Come on! Let's go for a ride!" Ramsay grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the entrance. He'd only been this happy once before; when Reek asked him to take his life. And he had.


	27. Just a Perfect Day

At first, Reek was only glad, so glad he even laughed.

"You put me in the trunk so I'd be surprised?" He asked under his breath. "I could have, I mean I would have kept my eyes closed."

Ramsay's eyes and hands rose together as if it was an embarrassing oversight. He punched Reek in the shoulder. "It was cheaper, I didn't have to buy your ticket." He laughed at his own joke as he threw his arm around Reek's neck and pulled him along. Reek smiled.

They seemed to run for an hour. Ramsay wanted to start at the very back. It was an old amusement park but it was kept up well. The roller coasters didn't whoosh by or glide soundlessly up the tracks; they clicked and rumbled. When they got closer to the peak the clicking slowed to a stop before the big drop. The tension was unbearable, and Reek was only watching as he walked underneath. His stomach sank. He hated heights. _It's just a ride. People pay to do it, they drive for miles to come here. It won't hurt._

People were rushing around talking loudly to each other everywhere. No one was paying attention to anyone but who they came with, and that gave Reek a comforting sense of invisibility. Every five minutes or so, music from a ride, game or show would get louder and fade away. The place was enormous and smooth brick roads weaving along lakes, stages, rides, food stands. There were bright flowers along the paths and large shady trees to sit under. They came to the worst roller coaster the park had; The Phantom. Reek sank a little.

"I think I should eat something, I don't feel very well. I can wait for you here..." but he trailed off remembering that could never happen.

Ramsay's hand slithered around the back of his neck. His icy eyes pierced Reek's. "What? Should I tie you here and go all by myself?"

"No," Reek lowered his voice and moved closer, "no, Sir. I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you want. I'm just... I'm scared."

Ramsay's face relaxed into a smile. His eyes were sleepy with satisfaction. He grabbed Reek's face and kissed him. Reek went rigid but didn't resist. He was falling in closer to Ramsay when he laughed and pulled away. Snatching Reek's wrist, he led him into the long line.

It was a bizarre day. It was wonderful. Reek understood, and made a wordless decision; though it wouldn't last and probably wouldn't change anything, Ramsay was happy and wanted him to be happy. He could do that. He could pretend he was out with his lover, his best friend, just like anyone else in the park. Just for one day. The rides were terrible for Reek but Ramsay was there, ecstatic at Reek's funny cowardice and endearing need. He held onto Ramsay's chest and tried to bury his face. He screamed into Ramsay's jacket when the car plunged down the track. He shivered as the car slowly clicked up to a new height, he laughed at himself on the smaller dips.

A few times Reek looked up at Ramsay and always his shining gray eyes were looking right back, so happy. How could someone hold this much joy and be so cruel? He stopped caring when the past and its memories flew away from the first big double-loop. He couldn't think of anything else but this, and that was a gift.

Reek threw up in an open garbage can which smelled so foul in the mid-Summer warmth that he threw up again. Ramsay rubbed his back and giggled at him. They ate but the food was so rich and heavy Reek couldn't take much. It was still delicious, and just smelling it was nice. Ramsay made fun of people to Reek as they walked around, and he laughed though he hoped they didn't hear. When they were waiting in line sometimes they would both overhear a stupid conversation or comment and look at each other smiling.

As the sun started to set the park's lights came on and everything glowed in soft, shimmering rainbow colors. It was like a dream. The air was cool now. Ramsay slipped his fingers in between Reek's and held his hand. They kept walking. He'd never done that before. Reek stared at Ramsay, unsure of what either was feeling. Ramsay was talking about coming here as a kid, how his mother and aunt would take he and his cousins most weekends in the Summer. His aunt was a lawyer on retainer for the park and got free passes every year.

"Did you like your aunt and cousins?"

"Yeah. I _did_."

"What about ..." Reek waited to gage Ramsay's expression for continuing.

"My mother? Yeah, of course, I like my mum. She's not crazy, like your's, or a dried, spiteful cunt like Cat Stark. You'll see," Ramsay pulled Reek closer, "we're going to stay with her tonight... maybe longer!" His expression collapsed from excitement to a kind of hunger. He grabbed Reek's shirt collar and pushed him through a soft, tall hedge into a small dark clearing with nothing but a brick wall behind it and whirring A.C. unit to the side. He told Reek to be very quiet. They could barely perceive shadows passing over the small, thickly layered, dark green leaves. They could hardly hear the murmur of voices over the A.C. The grass was soft on Reek's knees and then cold on his back. It smelled like pine.

" _Shhh, be quiet. That's a good boy, keep being good for me. No one will find you like this if you keep being quiet. Do you want someone to find you like this? What would people think? What if it was that short redhead I saw you looking at? You feel so good, pet. Now I want you to be very good for me. Tell me who you belong to. Say it when you come for me._ "

Before Reek could pull his jeans back on Ramsay kissed him slowly and gently on the mouth. Reek pulled his clothes back in place. He wiped his eye and stood up.

"Why are you crying?" Ramsay whispered.

"I don't know," Reek whispered back, "I'm sorry. You... you kissed me like..." he didn't know _what_ -like, but he wanted it to be true. Ramsay's eyes were still shining; with what light?

"Common, puppy. Let's go see Mum."

 

 

***

And when they did, Reek was even happier. That was nearly a year ago. Being back in her kitchen, even with the sounds of Ramsay throwing every door he could find open in the background, he immediately felt safer. He knew things would be some form of "okay" now that Ramsay had brought them here to see her.


	28. The Thunder and The Rain

"Here, honey, try to eat a little bit. Take your time. I have some leftovers if you're still hungry. I would have gone shopping if I knew you were coming. Drink some water," Ramsay's mother walked calmly to the kitchen table with a bowl of cereal for Reek as drawers were being opened and shut and objects moved in another room. "Don't worry about him, it's nothing," she said glancing over her shoulder. She was very pretty but always looked so tired, even with her wide smile and ready laugh. "I heard your mother passed away, honey, I'm so sorry." She put her hand on Reek's. He looked at her warm brown eyes and knew she meant it.

"It's alright. I don't remember her, really," He said, not having a better answer.

"I'm not sure how much easier that makes it. It's always hard to have a door closed forever. There's something between a parent and child that just won't be broken... but I know you must have some mixed feelings. Whatever you feel, or don't is ok, sweetie. You're allowed to feel however you do about it. I was so worried about you," there were tears in the corner of her eyes which didn't fall. "He was too, he was really at a loss. I hope he wasn't... too... you know." She looked down and away, then blinked twice before looking back.

"I'm ok. Really. Please don't worry." Reek smiled at her. He stirred his cereal but his mouth wanted none of it.

"WHAT IS THIS?!" Ramsay yelled across the house. Reek jumped but his mother just sighed. "Oh, that's mine..." Ramsay's mother started laughing hard and grabbed her side. Reek couldn't help laughing too. Ramsay peeked into the kitchen entrance looking mischievous.

"Ramsay, you didn't even give me a hug! I haven't seen you since for almost a year!" She stood up and looked genuinely happy to see her son. Ramsay came over feigning sheepishness. He leaned down to hug her and picked her up in his embrace. She laughed and told him to put her down. She kissed him on the cheek. "You're so tall and lean. My goodness, you look like a man now. You have broad shoulders just like my father. You'll be so strong when you fill out. Sit down, love. Are you hungry or thirsty? Please tell your sweetie to eat something, he looks very pale."

"Mum, do you have anything to drink? Please?" Ramsay was chewing his thumbnail and tapping his foot, still distracted.

"Hmm, yes, in the basement. Hold on,"

"No, I'll get it. You sit." He walked out still chewing his nail.

"He said I shouldn't tell Roose we came here?" Reek whispered.

"He only ever wanted me around as something to use against Ramsay. _He_ doesn't like my 'influence' on my own son. Now that Ramsay has you, I think _he_ wants to push me further away. I can't tell you how much I've worried that I made the wrong decision. I don't know what you must think about me sending my child to live with _him_ but... I really thought I didn't have a choice. I thought I was doing what was best. Tell me, how is he? Is he really doing better?"

"Yes." Reek thought a while before saying, "He really does want to be better."

"Theon, you're not eating."

Ramsay sailed in with a bottle of wine and pulled open a drawer by the sink. "Mum, where's corkscrew? It's not in here."

"I moved it to the drawer under beside the dishwasher."

Ramsay frowned and found it. As he poured three glasses he asked, "Mother, why were locks changed?"

"Stop, take a breath, and think about it. How could I afford that even if I did want to? Look, under your picture on top of the fridge, there's a key I had made for you." Ramsay put the glasses on the table and went to find the small key.

"How did you get it? _Who else has one_?" There were storm clouds on his horizon but he struggled to control himself.

"Ramsay, your sweetie hasn't eaten a thing and he's looking very pale and clammy. Did you bring his blood monitor?" She deliberately turned away from his questions to take Reek's pulse. "Did Ramsay ever tell you I used to be a nurse?"

"A psychiatric nurse," Ramsay said smirking slightly. His mother chuckled. It must have been an inside joke.

They talked for about two hours. Once Ramsay told Reek to eat he did and started feeling better. They moved to the living room and Ramsay started talking about school, Reek and Roose. Ramsay always loved to tell his mother stories. He would kind of act them out, doing impressions, trying to not laugh. She loved watching and listening, she laughed harder than he did. She adored him then.

Everything felt so normal here, so comfortable, more like home than anywhere else had. Reek fell asleep on the couch. Ramsay had drunk a few cups of wine. As they were laying around watching a Vincent Price movie Ramsay half-recognized, and his expression changed. His walls tumbled down. He suddenly looked heartbroken.

"Ramsay? What is it?!" His mother rushed to his side.

She knew he'd done terrible things but she still saw that baby she took home in his grown face. The helpless little thing that clung to her chest and wrapped his little hand around her finger. He used to run into the house from the bus stop dropping things everywhere to hug and lift her. She could see the little boy puffing out his chest, stomping around, throwing his arms up and yelling in his monkey pajamas. She remembered his soft dark hair on her shoulder, his little arms around her neck. When they went to the amusement park he was the happiest person there. He'd always pull her hand and say, "But mummy, if you just sit here you won't have any fun!" Every night before bed he'd find some reason to yell, "Mummy watch me! Mummy look!" No one else could ever understand, not even her own parents. Maybe this little Theon would one day.

Now the look on his face was just like when he came home asking why he didn't have a father to come to his birthday parties. He was devastated, and she couldn't stand it.

"He left me, mummy," He whispered. He cried quietly and she held him and rubbed his back. Hues of blue washed over them punctuated by a flash of red as the movie continued.

"There, there, love. I know, I know, but look; he's right here with you. It's alright, Ramsay, you know he loves you. He didn't really leave did he? No, he wouldn't. Oh, sweetheart, it's alright now. It's alright. He's yours, honey, you know that." She hugged him tightly until he hugged back and stood up.

"Go to bed, mum. Wake me up before noon, would you?" He gathered Reek in his arms and went to the room she kept for him- for the two of them now.

"If I know you, you'll wake up before me. And you'll feel much better when you do." She rubbed his shoulder, kissed his cheek and went to bed.


	29. The Cut That Never Heals

Ramsay did wake up early, and he did feel much better.

Reek was curled up against his back. His mother's house smelled good, had a warm but elegant color palette and little details he couldn't discern created the feeling of a home. He liked waking up here. He planned to ask her if they could move in after graduation. It would take a lot of adjustment, things would probably have to change with Reek a little, but that felt safe here. He wanted to protect her and get Reek away from Father. It was Father that made him run away in the first place, and who has ready with lots of tricks to manipulate Ramsay in his distress. So Ramsay had thought about it a lot, and the money just wasn't that important; not more important than the only two people he cared about.

He remembered he had brought copies of his letters of recommendation for her. He jumped out of bed to get them, and smelled coffee brewing. He left quietly so Reek could sleep. In the kitchen his mother was making pancakes with chocolate chips; his favorite! He loved the soft sizzling of the batter hitting the hot pan. "Mum," he said right behind her. She turned smiling. "Here!" he thrust the letters towards her and she screamed and fell back. It all happened so quickly he didn't see how but she was clutching her hand on the floor, the pan was askew and the measuring cup knocked over. She was shaking and her eyes were fixated on him the way others had before dying; wide in horror.

"No, mum, it's just letters," he said softly. He set them on the table and cleaned the counter. He turned to her but she had left her body on the floor. He slowly knelt down and talked to her very gently,"Mum, it's alright. They're just letters for you to read. You'll be proud of me." He wanted to take her hand but couldn't take her flinching at his touch. He stood up and went to his room. He took sleeping Reek in his arms and brought him to the kitchen.

"What? Master?" he stirred waking up.

"Shh." Ramsay sat him at the kitchen table and left.

It took Reek a few moments to remember where he was. "Ms. Deanich?" Reek went to her and helped her stand. She came back to herself. "Did you burn your hand?"

They were eating and Ramsay still hadn't come back. It sounded like he was showering.They talked about school a bit, she started to thaw from her shock. Eventually, she looked around and whispered to him, "Did he tell you why I stopped taking him to the amusement park?" Reek shook his head, afraid, but needing to hear the answer. "He was only twelve. I was dating someone then, it wasn't serious. It was the first time Ramsay met him. Ramsay didn't like him, his name was Eric. He had pulled me by the arm... he wanted to be too affectionate, more than I was comfortable with in front of Ramsay for the first time. I think Ramsay thought he was hurting me, but he wasn't- it was just annoying, it was harmless. I went to the restroom and never saw him again. He was found with his skull bashed in between the back of the restrooms and some hedges. They only found him... because of the smell." She brought a trembling hand to smooth hair out of her face. "Theon, Ramsay hasn't... he wouldn't hurt- I know he's been extreme in his love for you, but he couldn't hurt you... well, the way-" she couldn't finish. Her hand flew to her mouth and tears fell.

"He's much more like you than Roose." Reek told her. He put his hand on hers and smiled. It didn't _feel_ like I lie, maybe it wasn't. He thought he heard an exhale, but Ramsay's mother was just looking at him with a weary contentment. She read the letters when Reek left to take a shower.

Ramsay only came back with Reek when they were ready to leave. "Goodbye, Mother. I'll be calling you. You know you have to call me if you need anything. Do you understand?" He was frowning and his jaw was set, but his eyes betrayed him.

"Yes, honey." She kissed him on the cheek once more. "YOU call ME when you need anything, anytime." She stopped him from turning. "Ramsay, love, I read the letters, they're just wonderful. I am so proud of you." She held his large hand tightly with both of hers. He smiled.

"Mum... I started taking the medicine," he said looking away. She jumped up to hug him tightly. She hugged and kissed Reek and told Ramsay to be careful with him and 'Theon' to be good for her little boy.

It was time to back to Roose's estate and face his cold gaze again. They didn't want to, but it seemed more inevitable than ever.


	30. I'll Show You Somehow

It was so dark when they left, Reek thought he hadn't slept at all.

He didn't want to leave. He wanted to ask if they could just stay forever but understood that wasn't an option. Ramsay was grim and silent driving back. Every once in awhile, he would exhale slowly. Reek didn't like to see him suffer, despite knowing that suffering was coming for him. The deeper into the North they drove, the closer it was. He tried to think about the present or linger on the last few hours. The soft touch, the kind eyes, the easy laughter. Ramsay didn't seem to find such comforts in his own thoughts.

"I think I killed my mother," Reek ventured. He immediately regretted it. He braced himself, he shouldn't talk about that woman that way. Ramsay just glanced out his car window in exasperation. It was too late to take it back, so he tried again, "I know I hurt her terribly. I didn't mean to. After my brothers died, all she had was her worst son; the fuck up; too weak to carry the family or even belong to it. At the Starks, you know... I made some terrible choices. It made my father rage at her and broke her heart. My sister seemed to hate her... I think just because my dad did. So, I was all she had left ... and I wasn't strong for her. I can't remember what her voice sounded like. I haven't heard it in my head for years... but I can hear Mrs. Brady's. Isn't that pathetic?" Theon forgot himself ... he forgot if he was Reek or not. Lines were blurred in the wake of days without sleep. "You know, she really loves you."

Ramsay smiled bitterly, "So she tells me..." Reek dropped his head and looked out his window, "about you." Reek peered back, hesitant to move. "You don't hate people when you should. You feel sorry for everyone no matter what they do to you. If you're unhappy about something, anger feels much better than guilt. I like being angry. It makes me feel bigger, more than human."

Ramsay chewed his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. "You keep deflating my anger."

"I'm sorry." His eyes grew larger, he winced slightly.

"Yeah, like that," Ramsay said smiling at him. Suddenly his expression clouded and his eyes became embers. "But there's no hair to push out of your face and it's the wrong color."

He snatched Reek's hair by the roots on the top of his head and pulled the car onto a shoulder. Each zooming car on the highway seemed to pull them for a second as it passed. Ramsay shifted the car into park with his left hand and then reached over Reek to the lever under his seat. The back of Reek's seat collapsed but Ramsay held tight to his hair as he whined. He climbed on top of Reek with some difficulty; space was too tight, he was too large, Reek didn't have an inch to move anywhere. He felt like he couldn't get enough oxygen. Ramsay kept holding his head by the hair forcing him to withstand the excruciating hold of his ice and fire eyes.

"You shouldn't have done that. It's _my_ hair. I didn't tell you to do that, you didn't even ask! YOU tried to _steal_ from me. His left hand stopped supporting his weight on the chair's shoulder and landed hard on Reek's neck, slowly pushing down and closing tighter. Reek's eyes bulged; he couldn't swallow enough air to beg or apologize. His hard-fought breaths were quick and shallow. Ramsay put his forehead on Reek's. "You tried to _leave me_. How could you do that to me?! YOU CAN'T! I WON'T LET YOU!" He was baring his teeth now and looked like he would devour Reek right there while people passed by on the highway. Reek started crying and begging with his eyes.

Ramsay released his neck. Desperation fell over the rage on his face, like one stage curtain closing over another. He used his free hand to start to pull off the boxers he lent to Reek. It was only difficult because he himself was in the way. Reek coughed and gasped for air but had no relief. He was hyperventilating. _Not like this._ Ramsay had lost control. It wasn't passion, it wasn't a game or punishment, it was a frenzied attack. He dropped Reek's hair, at last, to free himself from his pants. He fell in his efforts and landed hard on Reek's sternum. The air was sucked from Reek's lungs. He contorted in a soundless scream trying to open his lungs to pull in air. Ramsay's hand were everywhere, pulling and scratching. He bit into Reek's chest, right over his heart. The flesh gave in and in, and pinched before starting to break. He could feel Reek's heartbeat, fast and hard as a runaway train in his front teeth.

As Reek's blood finally bubbled up and trickled down to Ramsay's tongue, his muscles released their tight knots. _I have him. I have him. He's mine._ He released the skin from between his teeth and licked, with great pleasure, at the blood. First Reek audibly sucked in air as though he had come up out of water after being held down. Then he screamed and screamed. He couldn't stop himself. He was watching himself again, drifting further away. Ramsay rubbed his temple against Reek's cheek. He was drinking in every sensation; a sweet wine with bitter notes. He positioned himself to enter his pet but as soon as Reek felt the pressure he begged in high, choking hysterics for mercy.

Ramsay had just forgotten because he'd forgotten everything but the carnal feeling of owning what was his again. He let Reek plead and scream for awhile then sat on Reek's little legs to free a hand to stroke his face.

"Alright, pet. You were a good boy today. Even though you were bad and ran away, you gave me some nice gifts to show your loyalty. Let me see your arm, put it over your head. Good boy." Reek gave a little wail when he was entered. Even with lubrication, he couldn't calm his tight, rigid muscles and it hurt terribly. But he wouldn't be torn up inside, and Ramsay was calmer, so he tried to be good and relax. Ramsay held still for him, he was being kinder now.

He'd come back to his senses. "You can't leave me, not ever again," he said in a calm but steely voice. He sounded more like his father and it made Reek sick. He wasn't rabid, though. Reek had to try to be very good to keep him calm. "Don't look away from me until I'm done with you," Ramsay continued and started thrusting. Reek's head rolled back against his control, but he keep his eyes were they belonged. "Don't even blink. I'm taking you home. I'm going to spell out your punishment after we get settled and you eat. I'm going to retrain you. You're going to learn new rules and new lessons. Remember that I forgive you, I'm doing everything for your own good. Remember that I love you and you were very, very bad and need to be corrected. Be grateful for my love. Remember you have no one else, remember what happens to people who get in between me and what's _mine._ "

Reek was weeping. The pain of guilt was pulling his chest in, throbbing aches radiated from there. He felt small and very _bad_. He felt his own starving needs then. "Yes, Yes, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I need you, please, take me back. I'll be good, please don't throw me away..." he heard himself say it and didn't quite understand why but understood it felt true.

Ramsay went faster and hard, his eyes rolled back and he bit down on his lip. "Call for me."

" _Ramsay_."

"WHAT AM I?"

" _Master_."

Ramsay filled him, his intestines cramped a bit. Ramsay licked the tears on his face and stepped up and out of Reek's door to adjust himself outside at his ease. He leaned in and slid his boxers over Reek's slim legs. He walked around to get back in on his side. Reek passed out before he even pulled back onto the highway. Ramsay drove them home, the only home either of them had.


	31. Cure His Heart

Reek was looking out the window. The hum of the road below, combined with the music on the radio, made him feel like he was dreaming, but when did he ever have nice dreams like this? It was so dark, the streetlights were still on. Thunder rolled in the distance. He wasn't sure he'd really woken up; if not, he didn't want to. There was always pain before and in front of him, but not in this moment.

"Look at me," Ramsay said softly to his left. He did. "You were very good for me just now... today. You gave me something. Even though I shouldn't... I want to give you something too. I won't hit your pretty face anymore. At least... I won't punch your jaw again. That's the only thing you've ever really asked me." He traced his thumb on the boy's cheek. Reek's eyes grew larger and started shining. His jaw relaxed and slowly pulled his lips apart as he stared into once flat eyes, which now seemed more like a labyrinth with no string to follow out. "Do you understand me?" Ramsay asked with a sweet devotion on his face Reek could hardly understand. " _I promise you._ " He turned his eyes back to the road.

Reek felt an expansion of warmth in his chest. He tried to blink and swallow his thoughts away, but they echoed without fading. _He did forgive me. He actually loves me. He won't throw me away._ When had he ever been made a promise? Who had ever cared enough to _forgive_ him? He used the sleeve of the hoodie he was wearing to wipe his eyes. It smelled like Ramsay as it crossed his face. He laid his head on Ramsay's shoulder. Ramsay lifted his hand and pulled it back to Reek's face. He lightly scratched behind his ear and ran his fingers around the back of Reek's head. Reek didn't pull back or even flinch. He leaned in and rubbed his forehead against the shoulder as he was pet. Reek went back to sleep; it had never been so easy.

He woke up to the sound of The Bolton gate opening. The motor moans when it starts, there's whining, clicking, clunking and scratching of metal on metal as it slowly stutters opens. Yet, it always closes so quickly and smoothly. Everything is full of tricks here. He sat up with a start. Ramsay pulled up to the attached garage on his wing of the estate. Reek shot a hungry glance over the seat's shoulder. How was the gate so far away already? How was the vibrant, open world closed off so soon? The garage door rumbled open. The darkness inside seemed to fall upon him. Ramsay was coming in at a slight angle and backed up to straighten out.

"WAIT!" Reek put his hand on Ramsay's before he shifted back to drive. "Please, before we go back, what is going to happen to me? I mean, after I graduate- you're going to college, what will happen to me?"

"Did you think I'd leave you here with him?"

"I don't know, honestly. You won't, will you? Am I going to college?" His voice became higher and more strained. His breathing was getting faster and drawing less air.

"You're staying with me."

"But, I didn't apply, don't I have to? I don't-"

"Apply?! Jesus fucking Christ, why would _you_ need a fucking degree? What the," he started laughing so hard he could barely say 'fuck'. He slid the car into park so he could recover himself and hold his chest while he laughed harder. "What?! What degree would I want you to get? Sucking my fucking dick?! You were good at that the first time, puppy. Fucking Hell, you are the best little idiot. College! Don't be so fucking stupid." They pulled into the garage.

Reek had been holding onto what now seemed like an absurd fantasy. He thought the Bolton's were just keeping him until he graduated... he had let himself half-belief this was another foster home he'd be turned out of. He'd really known the truth. That's why he could never ask before. _Shouldn't I look at colleges too? Shouldn't I get my car back? Shouldn't I visit a campus too? Shouldn't I sign up for admissions tests too?_ It was all for Ramsay. Ramsay was the person graduating, he was something else. _I'm not getting a job either,_ he realized. _Or dating another girl... or..._ It was too much to think about, his stomach took it all on instead.

"Where are you going?" Ramsay had said, on the first day they met.

"Nowhere," he'd confessed.

He followed Ramsay inside holding himself with his head dropped. Ramsay smiled widely at him with his familiar malicious glint. He threw an arm around the boy and pulled him along as if they had shared a great joke. Roose was waiting in the foyer. Reek forgot how dark and chilly this place was. Empty, lonely, hidden, full of hard surfaces, cold metal, shades of grey, pops of red.

"Let me see him," Roose said, cold as anything else here. He looked closely at Reek's face and neck, then his hands and wrists. Reek inhaled sharply as he touched his left wrist, but his long fingers didn't run up the forearm. He was only interested in what others could see. "No marks? Very good, Ramsay."

"Yes, but... when he was doing all that running around, he broke his ankle," Ramsay said, clearly asking.

"Well..." Reek held his breath, hoping. "Where's my card and phone? Alright then, I'll call the doctor to check on that, and any other ... issues. His face and hands are fine, and he's going to eat and sleep like he should."

"Of course, Father."

Reek knees gave and he sank, staring far away towards the West, but Ramsay held him.

"And you'll both take your medicine?"

"Yes, Father.

"Good. Qyburn will be here before dinner. So be done with your catching up by then. Hair looks nice, Theon," he said reflecting Ramsay's malicious smile back to him. But then he stopped Ramsay as he was turning. "You did well controlling yourself. Come tell me about your trip when he's in bed."

Reek remembered not to speak unless spoken to. Now that they were home, even begging wasn't allowed until Ramsay said otherwise. He let himself be pulled upstairs. His body started hyperventilating. Ramsay smiled at it, his canines seemed to get longer and sharper as Reek's dizzy head started drifting back. Reek tried to remember the sound of the ocean falling on the shore. Part of that ocean was inside of him and couldn't be taken away. Did Theon die there or was he sleeping among the ocean's salt?


	32. Flies Will Lay Their Eggs

Roose was looking through his phone sitting his den when something he didn't quite see or hear caught his attention.

Without looking up he called, "Ramsay don't lurk. Come in here."

Ramsay came through the entrance. "I wasn't! I was just thinking."

"Really?" Roose snorted, "Deep thoughts, were they? I didn't hear any screaming, are you going to bring him milk and cookies instead having one of your usual _talks_?" He was smiling to himself but his expression changed when he looked up and saw his son's. "Please tell me you didn't kill him."

"NO! I'm NOT going to kill him! I _am_ going to kill the next person that asks me that!" Ramsay's face flashed like lightning, bubbles of drool sat on the corners of his biting snarl. Roose stood up. Ramsay's passion faded though he still drew slow, heavy breaths. Roose looked at a chair and Ramsay sat in it.

"Well?"

"I asked him about everything before I started... planned on starting. I made him go over what he did, what he would have done, what he thought about but couldn't do. I asked why he got off the bus when he did..."

"Mmmhmm good, and?"

"He says he doesn't remember well... that he followed a man who was bothering some woman. She yelled at the stranger to leave her alone and ... he says he stabbed him. Just once on the ribs and walked away." Ramsay looked very lost.

"Huh, interesting. He does have his surprises." Roose murmured, somewhat amused.

"Well?! What do I do?! I just left him his cage so I wouldn't murder him right then. Every time I try to think about handling it- I just see myself _peeling his skin off_." His fingers dug deep into the leather arms of his chair as he bit down on his words.

Roose tilted his head slightly, and asked matter-of-factly, "Why are you so upset?"

Ramsay's eyes slowly crawled up from the floor to meet his father's gaze. The corners of his nose curled up in disgust. "Because he _could have died_. He was _asking for it_ from a stranger. He escaped me and went looking for death. I know I don't actually want to ... but _part_ of me wants to _give it to him_. HERE! ME! HE'S **MINE TO KILL**! WE SHOULD D-" but bit his tongue, swaying in his fury.

"Oh, is that what you think? Come here, son. Look at what he did to my phone." Ramsay stood and brought his contorted face to his father's side. He the screensaver on the phone; his face smiling back. "And look, when I turn it on-" Him with his arm around Reek in the background. His shoulders dropped, releasing their tension. Deflated again, he remembered Reek's arm, the way he begged to come home, what he had said to Mum when he thought they were alone.

"Ramsay, you don't stab someone, from behind I would wager, and walk away because you have a deathwish. You did quite a job on little Theon. I'm sure he doesn't remember it very well, he probably has his doubts about it even happening. He has a wealth of anger he's not allowed to direct at the person causing it. When he was free, a lot of bottled emotions and things must have come out. Just keep your head about you. Give him your rules, the consequences for breaking them, make sure he understands, and be consistent. Make sure your little games are kept separate from your _rules_. You have to keep things clear if you want him to obey. If he never knows what to expect you'll shatter him and maybe one day he'll actually attack you. What would you do to him then?"

Ramsay was glad Roose didn't understand at least that.

"Look at this message he sent to Tyrion. How did he think of that? Clever child." Roose was lost in thought for a moment. "I had a talk with him the other day. I didn't know I could blackmail a Lannister, isn't that helpful information? Well... anything else I should know?"

"He took drugs and rides from strangers," Ramsay said relishing the change his words produced on his father's smug face. "I'll be more strict and consistent as you say, Father. Thank you. Before he could start to stand up Roose sat down and continued.

"You've shown very good judgment lately, I'm proud of you. I want to do something for you. Theon is almost done with school; you both just have a little more than two weeks left. I'll talk to your principal and have her let Theon take his finals and turn in his last projects without going back to school."

"Really?! He's all mine? Starting now?" Hope and excitement cascaded down his features; the anger was gone.

"Yes, I think you've proven you can be responsible. Don't destroy his mind, you'll still need him to help you with your studies and, I suspect your career. So, how about you reconsider the internship I keep offering you? I want you to look at acquisitions and mergers. If you keep controlling yourself like you have been, your skill at utilizing weakness could be invaluable. The women and man currently running it are book smart, as you might say, but have no stomach for what has to be done. Keep proving yourself and I might give you jobs you'd have _a lot_ of fun with. Like when you took care of my Stark and Greyjoy _problems_. Wouldn't you like to do work that again?"

Ramsay did but wanted to be free of Roose even more. Now that he had his name and was written into this will and trust; now that he had his Reek to keep forever, he really wanted to be cut free. However, he knew enough to see the threat of thorns hiding behind any rose his father offered. He thought for awhile before saying, "Alright. I will make you proud of me."

"Good! Remember, Dr. Qyburn is coming in a few hours. Have the boy ready for him." Roose stood up as if to see Ramsay out.

"Yes, Father," Ramsay muttered. By the time he got to the stairs, he was smiling again.


	33. Kiss Me Like The Ocean Breeze

Reek was already felt nauseous when Ramsay threw him on the bed. He was hoping Ramsay would just do the thing and get it over with, but it never worked that way.

Ramsay stalked the length of the bed, back and forth, back and forth, while he pelted Reek with relentless questioning.

**And then what did you do? Where did you go? Why? How did you get there? Why did you dye it black? What did she look like? Did you like her? Did you want to fuck her? How did get to Tyrion's office? What would you have done if she said no? What was your plan if he didn't give you any money? How? What would you have done they didn't let you leave? Did anyone touch you? How?! Do you swear? And then what did you do? How much did you take? WHY? Did you even ask _what it was_? **

I went on for more than two hours. Reek was crying and gripping his head; he was ready for physical pain. He was losing all his secrets, those few days he had just for himself. Ramsay was intruding upon every moment, tearing it all apart. He felt so stupid and selfish. Ramsay made it so personal, made every step a betrayal.

**How did you THINK I would feel about that? Did you just FORGET about me?! Oh Really? You promise? But you did it ANYWAY, didn't you? WHY?**

Reek begged him to stop, to just break his ankle, please. He couldn't stand the scathing reprimands, forced examination of his mistakes, and worst of all was the hurt he had caused under each bellowing accusation. It went on at a tortuous pace until Ramsay asked, "Why did you get off the bus when you did?" Then Reek froze, and Ramsay saw the difference immediately. After he finally stuttered out his confession in the best terms he could manage, Ramsay picked him up put him in his hated cage and left him locked there without saying a word.

He'd been shuddering and rocking for what felt like hours. He made a game with himself; trying to decide what would be worse if Ramsay came back now or later? _What if comes back tomorrow? What if he doesn't come back at all? What if he doesn't want me anymore? What will happen to me? What if he came back right now and he decided to kill me? Is that really so bad? Why is this the thing that made him leave?_ He heard quick steps rumbling up the stairs and couldn't keep from hiding in the back corner against the thin metal bars. He covered his head and tried not to make a sound. _Please, please, let him be calm..._.

He was. Seeing Reek safely cowering in his cage, Ramsay knew he had complete control. This wasn't Theon spitting in his face, it was Reek drowned in guilt, begging for punishment without even being asked to. Ramsay could hardly remember why he was so upset before. Reek recoiled further when he hear the lock pop open.

"Come here, Reek," he called gently. "Come here, puppy. Come to me."

Reek failed to stifle a groan as he forced himself to turn and crawl out. He wasn't sure what kind of fate he was slinking towards. He put his head on the ground before Ramsay who was kneeling at the cage door. Ramsay pet the back of his head.

"I like you like this," Ramsay said, his tone dropping. "Do you know why I'm upset with you?"

Reek whined and looked up to see if he was expected to answer. It seemed to be the right thing to do.

Ramsay's eyes smiled down at him. "You could have got yourself killed. How do you think that would make me feel? Don't say anything. I like how you remembered not to speak unless told to. I like how you're behaving for me." He leaned down closer and whispered, " _I have some new tricks I'll show to you now._ Here's a game we can play; can you make it to the basement without making a sound? Look, look what I have for you."

Reek looked up against the waves of dread pounding down on him. He was twitching now; his overwrought nerves strained to break. Ramsay held some pills in his hand. "Painkillers," Ramsay said, "don't you think you'd like some later?" Reek tried to see if he could get away without answering. Ramsay lifted his chin. Reek didn't know if the question was a trick, test, or just a real question. Should he say 'no' because he should know better to take drugs? Or should he say 'yes' and kiss Ramsay's feet to show he was loving and grateful? He shook, overwhelmed and shrugged his shoulders, pleading with his miserable eyes.

"What's wrong, puppy?" Ramsay didn't sound mad and that was enough. Reek hugged him low on his chest and looked up, begging. "You want me to decide?" Ramsay asked with a genuine smile. Some madness allowed grateful Reek to grab Master's face and try passionately kissing him. Ramsay smiled wider under his kiss and pulled away. Ramsay held him by the neck then and rubbed his face against Reek's speaking into his ear. "You used to think you could fuck your way out of anything."

Without knowing why, Reek felt gutted. He stopped trying to figure out what to do, or what things meant, he just gave up.

"I know you get so confused. I thought you were just bad because you're so _spoiled_ ," the word was a slap on Reek's face, "but I think I also haven't made things clear enough for you. You're so slow, even when you try hard, you get so frustrated. I remember you telling me you could never win with Cat Stark and that's why you did all those stupid things. You can't afford to pull that bratty shit with me." He still spoke sweetly and starting kissing Reek down his neck in his pauses. One hand still held his neck from behind, the left slithered up his back. Reek stared at the ceiling hating how easily he dissolved at the slightest affection now. He used to be repulsed by it, and that was a nice barrier.

"I don't want you to be miserable, pet. I don't want to punish you anymore. After today, I'll make all the rules and consequences clear for you. We'll play our games, but I'll keep that separate from the rules. If you know how to act and what to expect, we'll both be happier. I thought I wanted to torture you, but what do you know? You're devotion," Reek was drawing long, deep breaths now, his muscles melted in Ramsay's hands, his head rolled back and Ramsay bit his lip before saying in a breathy confession, " _it's intoxicating._ "

Reek drifted in that blissful, mindless place only Ramsay could send him to. He didn't have a name for it yet. It was somewhere between death and ecstasy where he lost himself completely.

"Cheater," Ramsay teased softly before he carried his limp little plaything to the basement. Reek didn't make a sound.


	34. Crying Just For Me

The spell broke in the basement.

Reek sat up with a start in his tormentor's arms. He began to hyperventilate and could only hope he would float away soon, but was so heavy in his treacherous body.

"You made it to the basement! Good boy! You'll get your pills, then. Isn't that nice?" Ramsay was full of joyful enthusiasm. His eyes swept all over the basement as if he could hardly believe it was real. "Look, everything's ready. You gave me so much time to plan and prepare while you were running around being bad. I have so many plans for us," he continued with rapid speech, "and guess what?! You don't have to go back to school! You just have to take your last exams and turn in your final assignments! All from _home_." Ramsay squeezed him close and squinted his giddy face.

He moved them past the hated steel support pole which had been the scene of so much misery already and laid Reek on a metal slab. Reek jumped off the table. Ramsay had only time to turn and face him when Reek dropped to his knees and clawed at the front of Ramsay's pants, trying frantically to undo them. He looked up and Ramsay's eyes were smiling, but his head was tilted in mock scolding. He grabbed Reek's hair at the roots and pulled him back. "Uh-uh."

Tears welled up in the boys eyes. He gently took Ramsay's hand and touched it to his own cheek then tried to suck his index finger.

"No, no. Clever boy. Trying to beg to be a whore for me without the voice you've lost the privilege of using? That's sweet. I like it, but you have to take your punishments. You were very, very bad. I'll tell you what, if you can stay still on the table without restraints, then I'll be merciful. Ok? You're doing so well. Try for me, try very hard. You can scream and cry but no talking. That's not so hard then, is it? Just lie on the metal, what could be simpler?"

Ramsay was interrupted by a call on his cell phone. It wasn't a call he could ignore. He held up his finger and shrugged as though to apologize for his impoliteness. "Yes?" He patted the slab and Reek bravely struggled every cell in his body to climb on it and wait. Ramsay looked at the open door, the only way in or out of the basement. "No, but I'll close it now. Are you sure? Well..." he walked further away from Reek and lowered his voice, "but, I wanted to... I want to fuck him after so-" Ramsay curled his nose up as if he smelling something rancid. He put his phone back in his pocket. His eyes wandered for a moment. "We have to get out of here," he said to himself, "I'll get us out one day... everything will get better."

Reek must have exhaled too loudly, Ramsay seemed to wake up and turned back to his favorite victim. The corner of his mouth turned up maliciously and flames relit behind his eyes. He pulled out a little stainless steel trolley. It was a simple tray with three sliding drawers and a bin on wheels. It squealed like a dying hog whenever it was pulled along. The sound pulled Reek's spine up in taut line before churning acid flung his torso violently forward. He vomited chocolate and bile over the edge of the cold slab which never warmed. He fell into crying. Beyond clear thoughts, he finally started to fade from his body.

Somewhere unreal, he could hear a roaring build, collapse, and pull away from him. Like listening to Yara breathing at night when he snuck into her bed after a nightmare. In, rise, gather, fall, rest, in, rise, gather... bubbles kissed him lightly, him as they rushed over him, paused were pulled away.

"Lie down. You can hold on to the sides if you need to."

He felt the water on his face now. Yes, it was warm and salty. He gripped the indifferent metal sides of the table and tried to hold his breath. His right ankle was held up. He gripped the table's edge so hard his arms spasmed from the strain. He was aware of himself but wasn't inside himself, each time the rhythmic roaring crescendoed it was a little clearer to him. He was gritting his teeth and vocalizing his hard, fast, shallow breaths now. It sounded like the first time Ramsay fucked him; like he was giving birth or giving into death. It was all pretty fucking absurd from where he was now. What a fucking shit show his life had become.

Ramsay's right hand rummaged through tools on his miserable trolley and arose with a small sledgehammer. He was beaming. Reek's chest hiccuped with the cries he suppressed. "You're doing so well, I just can't believe it. Let me make it easier then," he put the hammer on the table, "how about your left foot?" His left hand was on Reek's right foot, still in the air, he snapped the foot inwards in one swift motion.

Reek screamed and kept screaming, only stopping to suck in air, wail and scream again.

"It's better the less you expect it and the quicker it is," Ramsay leaned in close to watch Reek's face contort with agony. "You did a good job. Look, look what I have. Look, pet." Reek peeled his eyes open but it was a fight to make them obey. Ramsay had a syringe in his hand. It looked like the one... from that other nightmare. "Just look at it, and then you'll get this _and_ the pills later! Aren't you glad you tried so hard for me?"

Reeks eyes darted from the syringe to Ramsay frantically. "No, pet, sit up and look at your ankle. Then the punishment is over and you get your reward." He whined hysterically, like a dog being beaten, which wasn't far from the truth. He sat and looked. His ankle was swollen and crimson, but his foot didn't even look like his; it looked like a prop. It was perpendicular to his left leg. The world went away black.

He had flashes of images, but no real memory of what happened between that and waking up in bed. Ramsay over him saying sweet things, thrusting into his limp, numb body. Dr. Qyburn looking fascinated at him, asking questions to someone else in an indiscernible language Reek knew he knew. Next, a bright light overhead. He's turned on his stomach. Roose says something about clean cuts, a clean cut? A clean shot? Ramsay says he pulled that one something, something. Qyburn interrupts saying another far away riddle about lines or was it marks? Later, same room but the bright light is out, there's a jacket on him now. Roose and Ramsay are talking, but he can't understand the words. They laugh at something. He sees a clock saying 6:30. What a stupid thing to say at a time like this. The numbers are red. They seem to dance but every time he thinks he caught them, they stand still. Next, he's being carried. He smells Ramsay. He thinks Ramsay is singing to himself. Maybe he's dreaming.

When Reek woke up he was alone in Ramsay's bed. He wasn't in pain, but he was confused and frightened. "Master," he tried to say but his throat was very dry. He tried to get up to peer out into the hallway. He collapsed on his first step and started yelling, but he didn't know why. Ramsay came in through the door like a miracle. "Please don't leave me! Please stay! Please, I'll be good, don't hate me, don't throw me away." He heard his words and felt them, but still couldn't understand why he said them or why he was weeping. Ramsay picked him up and put him back in bed.

"Don't worry, I'm right here. I'm here with you. I'll take care of you. I'm not going anywhere. Shh, you can't get out of bed on your own, do you understand? You can't put any weight on your bad foot for six weeks. I'll put you where I want you, you don't worry about walking right now. You just need to rest and recover. Hey, do you want me to put a nice movie on for you? Not one of my scary movies, a nice movie you like. How about the Princess Bride? Didn't you watch that when you were sick?" His honey voice would keep the most beautiful promises.

Reek nodded and tried to be grateful, but he was still lost and his need was vicious. "I'm sorry I talked. I'm sorry, I didn't remember. Please don't leave me. Don't stop loving me, I'll do anything. I tried so hard, I'll be good now-" he couldn't go on, choked by hard sobs.

"Shh, silly puppy. I never loved you more than right now. You'll never get away from me, _I swear it._ You have to rest now. Your first new lesson is tomorrow. It won't be as hard as tonight, but it won't be easy. I want you to look at me, hear my voice. Release your shoulders. Drop them. Good, more. Good boy. Now take a deep breath, hold it. Slowly, let go. Very slowly. You're going to calm down for me now. You're going to feel peaceful and happy. I'm coming to bed in just five minutes. You're going to wait calmly like a very good boy and then I'll put on a nice show, get you something to drink and you can go back to sleep with me beside you to keep you safe. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Master. Thank you. I love you..." he would have kept babbling but he was already drifting away.


	35. Don't Drop Me Home

He'd never woken up so disoriented.

He couldn't remember where he was, who he was, or anything that had happened. He tried to remember but felt lost to time and space. He was alone in a large room on a king-sized bed. It felt like a soft, warm, cloud. It smelled familiar, like home maybe, but his body wanted to run from here. Instinct told him to quietly survey what lied outside the door and out the window. How far to the ground? What would he land on? He remembered he drank to the point of blacking out sometimes, he remembered had he woken up in a house where a father, boyfriend, husband, or mother would be furious to find him stumbling around before. He didn't taste alcohol or cigarettes lingering in his mouth though, and didn't feel hungover. Maybe he was still drunk? He checked his hands; no stamps or wristbands. He couldn't find a phone or clock near him.

He carefully moved to the edge of the bed and swung his feet around. He heard some light clinking in the sheets as he did, so moved slower and more delicately. He got his feet off the edge and pushed himself but something pulled on his neck, stopping him. His hand shot up to it and found a collar. He screamed internally, what the fuck did he do? Christ, who was that crazy woman he used to hook up with... she was pretty unpredictable... who was she again? Was she his teacher? What time was it? Cat was probably calling for his fucking head by now, maybe Ned would be there when he got home.

 _Wait, he's..._ More of his life seeped in through the cracks. It's terrible to forget someone died and remember again. He did that for months after Ned died. He'd wake up and think Ned would be watching the news downstairs, grimly nodding his head and sighing at the world. Sometimes when Cat started screaming at him he still thought Ned would walk into the kitchen and put a hand on her shoulder. Maybe if he got her upset enough... not that it mattered. That wasn't his father. He remembered that. Who else lived there? Why did it feel so far away?

He followed the chain from the collar to the headboard and tried to see how he could undo it. There was always a safety switch somewhere. _Where the fuck is it?_ The chain wound itself between three metal poles on the headboard painted black. He found where they met; there was heavy metal padlock, nearly as big as his hand. _Fuck, this bitch isn't fucking around._ Well, on his collar then. He felt the back, his numb right shoulder wasn't cooperating. His whole body was numb; it didn't feel like any drug he'd done before... it felt more like after he had all his wisdom teeth removed... _What the fuck did I do?_

The collar closed where a small D-ring pushed through the top strap from the bottom one, another padlock connected the chain to the collar at the D ring. Without the keys, he'd have to cut the leather somehow... with what? He looked around the room. It was sparse and dark. It was familiar. It didn't smell like a woman at all, there was nothing that said a woman had ever set foot here. The bathroom light was on, there was no door. He could only make out two toothbrushes on the sink, no decorations, nice towels, not even hand soap? _Two toothbrushes?! This crazy bitch is married!_ He heard two men talking in the distance. The echoing made it sound like they were on a floor below from him. _This is the second floor, I know that, but where am I? Someone's coming up the stairs!_

He pulled at the collar looking for any worn spot or weakness; it was too thick. Was he a hostage? _Oh my god, my father turned, he turned they were coming to kill me! No, I'm naked in a bed, this is some kinky shit, they aren't going to kill me... with the fucking Simpsons playing on the television._ He noticed more details in the room as his senses sharpened thoughts cleared; slowly so slowly. He saw papers on a desk. He went as far as he could on the bed towards the desk to see what they were. It was his own writing... math homework... it was _his_ math homework. He remembered doing it, he couldn't get the third problem right and asked someone he didn't like for help. Who? Someone who he made his skin crawl. He had a paper to write... he hadn't finished that either. What was it, and why were his things here? His jacket was on the desk chair. On the nightstand beside him, he saw a blood sugar monitor case he knew was his.

_Someone's in the hallway! There's nowhere to go... what the hell is my name?_

A boy his age came through the door and smiled at him. "Hello, sleepy. How do you feel?" He wasn't tall or short, but very broad and strong. He had quick sharp eyes, the color of ice.

"Good," he told the boy. "I uh... " he tried not sound terrified. He couldn't find the words so he pointed to the back of his neck.

"What's wrong? You don't look good." The boy wasn't smiling anymore.

"I'm sorry, I don't know... I don't know what's happening." He confessed, studying the boy wearily.

The boy looked amused and angry in turns, each emotion playing different features on his face. "What _do_ you know?" He asked with false sympathy.

"I know _you_. I know you're someone ... important... to me." It seemed to make the boy happy, and it seemed to be true.

"You had to have surgery, very minor. You fractured your ankle in two places. You kept getting up all night and day looking for me and hurting your foot all over again, so I made sure you couldn't get off the bed."

"Oh, Christ! Really! Is that why I can't remember or feel anything?! Oh, shit, I thought I was going to die! You... you aren't going to kill me... are you?" He felt a little better, but his body still told him to run as soon as he could.

"Funny, I said I'd kill the next person to ask me that. Wouldn't that be some Greek tragedy shit?" He went around the room pulling a case from under the other nightstand as he laughed.

"Are they still coming for me? The people who want to kill me? Did I dream that?"

"No one is coming for you but me." The boy said solemnly. He looked over his shoulder and smiled. "I have to run an errand, but I'll be back soon. Don't worry. Here, you better try to take a piss before I leave," he said coming closer.

"No, thanks. I'm fine, really."

"If you piss the bed, I will be very upset."

_Whose bed is it?_

"I must know you very well. I know you're laughing at me," the boy's dark features lit up in sparkling adoration. He turned to get something off the floor. "Wait, don't leave yet, please. Who are you? Who am I? What's going to happen to me?"

"Later. You're safe here, just rest." The boy took his case and put a duffle bag over his shoulder.

"Wait! Please! Just one thing then?" The boy stopped at the door and turned his head. His cheek was raised and his eyes ran back slowly. "Do you like me? You don't hate me, do you? Just tell me you don't hate me, please?"

"Idiot." He left grinning.

The next time he woke up a terrible man was examining him.


	36. Ants are in the Sugar

The terrible man held his left arm, he was staring at it as though it was a work of art. The horrible man was about to touch his forearm when he pulled it away.

"Who are you?" he demanded.

"You're too underweight for anaesthesia, I told them so. How is your pain?" The man pulled his wrist back and took his pulse.

"I don't feel anything. I don't know what's happening. Who are you?"

"You need to rest," the man said. He put on latex gloves; one snap, then another.

"Where's the boy? He said he'd come back!" He didn't like this man, he didn't like the look in his eyes. He felt an intense mix of fear and anger.

"Boy? You really don't remember anything. You can't want Ramsay." The man tried to sound disgusted but looked excited.

"Ramsay?" Things came crashing back upon him in shattered fragments. The man rubbed his arm with a wet cotton swab which dried quickly. He pulled out a needle and flicked it before squirting liquid out. He looked perverse.

"Don't touch me," he growled through gritted teeth.

"Oh, I think you've been taken more than a _tiny_ prick," he said with caustic sweetness. "You need to rest," he whispered, taking the arm back in his latex-covered hand.

He ripped his arm away from the worm of a man. "DON'T TOUCH ME! I want Ramsay!"

"He's not here and won't come back unless you take your medicine. Stay still."

He held his arm away from the needle and noticed what the man had been staring at. 'REEK'  
Seeing it on his arm stunned him momentarily. He was so close to remembering when he saw the terrible man approaching from the corner of his eye. Then his fist felt heavy as it landed on the man's cheek. "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH ME!"

He lunged for the man but the chain on his neck stopped. As soon as he caught a dark figure on the blurred edge of his vision, it seemed it was upon the terrible man. He squeezed the man's neck watching his eyes bulge, then Ramsay ran his tongue across his teeth and smiled. His eyes danced with a brilliant light and as he spoke his mouth stretched slowly wider.

"What did you do? What did you to him, _Doctor_? Why do people try to play with my things? Don't you know not to poke a wounded animal? Didn't learn that with all those _years in school_? Look at me. _Yes._ Are you begging me? Will you cry for me? You should try. Maybe it will work, maybe I'll let you taste air again. I think you should try something soon, you look ... so blue. I can just tell it's going to smell rancid when you shit yourself. If I slice you open, would you bleed bile?" Ramsay's mouth hung slightly open. He leaned in closer waiting for that most perfect climax and the eternal submission that follows. "You always wanted to _help_ me. _Give me something nice to make me happy-"_

"Master, let me do it." The voice stopped him. He dropped Qyburn.

"What?!"

Qyburn convulsed on the floor, gulping and coughing in spasms.

"Your father will be very upset. It's my fault; I made you upset. So let me do it for you, then he'll only kill me." Reek smiled coyly. Ramsay laughed and pushed Reek down back on the bed.

"Shut up, you little idiot. I was only kidding, anyway. RIGHT?" Ramsay kicked Qyburn as he crawled away. Reek tried not to laugh, he knew he really shouldn't. He also knew it made Ramsay happy, and the latter was starting to mean more than the former. Ramsay climbed onto the bed with him. "You remember then?"

"Except for yesterday... it's just... it's like a handful of pictures."

"That's fine. I only have one lesson for the next few days and only one gift I want from you. Maybe we'll go get it tomorrow, or the day after." He lied on his back beside Reek. His eyes were glazed with sleepy satisfaction. He picked up an eight ball he kept on this nightstand, tossed and caught it while he went on, "It won't be very hard. I'll take care of you. You remember what I told you? I'm not doing this because I hate you or whatever stupid shit you tell yourself. The gift is for both us, you'll see eventually. It won't be bad. Ugh! I want it _now_!"

Ramsay hurled the ball towards the ceiling, gritting his teeth. Reek jumped to catch it. "Shit, don't do that!" His expression was twisted with worry. Then he seemed to remember something, "I'm sorry. I didn't ... it's... if you don't catch it, it will land on your face."

"Aw, that's stupid. I always catch it. Won't you still love me if I'm ugly?" Ramsay laughed at him. He put his hands behind his head, his eyes drifted over to Reeks.

"Always and only."

"Why do you have to be so fucking sad about it?" A bitter look flashed on his face, but then he smiled eagerly and asked. "Are you ready then? Let's go look at the doors in the house." Reek's heart broke.

_Not again, not again, I can't do that again. I didn't forget._


	37. Perfect Just Like Me

"You don't have to! Please, we don't have to do this! I remember, I promise, I swear!" Reek moaned trying not to cry.

Ramsay carried him downstairs, smiling. "I don't care if I 'have' to. I want to, so you're going to do it for me. The first time's the worst and then, as long as you're good it will keep getting better. I think it will be much easier than the last time, don't you? Did you think I forgot that you _shut_ a door on me; that you _locked_ a door on me?"

"I won't! I won't! I'm sorry!" His stomach ached, dread and guilt weighed on his chest.

"You have to stand on your good foot, I'll help you." Ramsay stopped at the front door. "You didn't say 'thank you.' This is the most important one, right? Crying isn't an answer."

"Yes, sir, it is. Thank you for helping me." Reek tried to take his time with the words, just to put things off for a few seconds longer.

"Touch it."

Reek closed his eyes and tried to tell himself, _It will be over soon. It's not that bad, just get through it; stop fighting._ He took two deep breaths and shot his hand out towards the knob, flinching.

"BAD!" Ramsay punched him in the stomach. "THAT'S NOT FOR YOU! YOU DO NOT TOUCH DOORS IN THIS HOUSE!"

Reek collapsed into hopeless weeping. The pain wasn't as bad as other punishments. It didn't even hurt to be denied such a simple, basic ability anymore but, for whatever reason, being forced to be bad and then get punished for it was _unbearable_. And he had to do it over and over. Every door in the house; which, fortunately, were few for such a large estate. He hated being yelled at more than being hit. That used to make Theon despise himself.

"Again." Reek reached out, trembling. Ramsay punched his stomach before his hand got far. "BAD! NO DOORS FOR YOU! I DON'T WANT YOU _LOOKING_ AT THEM! IS THERE A FIRE? IS THERE A FUCKING GAS LEAK? NO! BAD REEK! Now we'll go to the back door. You know doors going outside are the worst, don't you? They'll get you in the most trouble. Who touches them?"

"A man."

"Are you a man?"

"No, Sir."

"That's right, little pet. You're just my plaything. Stand on your good foot. Go on. Again." Ramsay was stern and then erupted in fury when Reek's hand neared the door knobs; he hit his stomach each time. At first, Theon had thought the trick was not reaching for the knob, no matter what; but that wasn't how to win the game. There was no winning, only getting through. He couldn't look at any of the doors in the house without feeling like he would throw up.

After they went through the same tragic play at each door, Reek was allowed to rest in their bed. He let himself think of it as theirs now. Ramsay pet him and told him he did well. He was allowed to cry on Ramsay's chest they watched some comedies together on Ramsay's television. It was almost worth it because Ramsay was so kind the rest of the day, he spoke sweetly and touched gently. Still, the next morning they started all over. The morning after that Ramsay told him they could take a break because he was going to get his gift at last.

**During our graduation ceremony I will have with me; the clothing I bought working, the diploma I earned after twelve years, and my family there watching me. After I graduate I plan to improve upon; my work, school, and family relationships.**

"Hurry up! Hurry up! Finish eating! You need to have a full stomach!" Ramsay didn't eat himself, though. He was too excited so he kept pacing the kitchen poking at Reek. "Come on, come on, let's go!"

When Reek was ready they got in Ramsay's car. "Where are we going?" Reek asked casually and softly as he could.

"To get my present! It's a surprise! It should only take four hours or so, then you get to lay around all day. Did you take your tests?"

"I only have my Spanish final left, it hasn't been posted yet," he answered, looking at his feet.

"Good boy! What about your paper and project?" Ramsay was tapping his feet and weaving through traffic. He looked like a child if one could drive themselves to a toy store.

"Yes, Sir. I turned them in."

"Very good! I decided not to get you crutches, not for awhile. I like putting you were I want you. I love you needing me to go anywhere; it's good for you. You have to learn how much you need me and must obey me so you don't do incredibly stupid things again," he said tousling Reek's hair.

"Yes, Sir, thank you for being patient with me." Reek leaned his head against the window. _Five hours or less, then he'll be much happier with me and I can rest._

**In this essay, I will first discuss my plan to join the Navy,**

"We're here!" Ramsay punched him in the arm as they pulled into a strip mall downtown. A woman with a blue mohawk walked past. "Get out! Get out! Get out!"

**then I will explain how I can use the G.I. Bill to get a degree in Linguistics so I can eventually get my TESOL certificate and teach ESL to non-English speakers all over the world,**

Skinner was leaning against a shop window, smoking.

"Is that really sanitary?" Ramsay asked, sounding annoyed.

"Everything is. I wash my hands and wear gloves, you can watch me sterilize my equipment and unwrap the needle if you want to, young Mr. Bolton," he answered smoothly. Ramsay carried Reek inside the shop. It was empty except for the three of them. "Alright, take his shirt off and lay him down. After I put this on you can take one last look to make sure you like it, you sick fuck." He said it like a compliment and Ramsay laughed with him.

**lastly, I'll briefly talk about my new family, the only one I have, and how we'll keep in touch.**

The first two hours were hardly hurt at all. He concentrated on the pain to forget that every line was permanent, and he had no idea what it was. The third hour hurt in spurts, the last hour was a little difficult, but Master said he did very well. Skinner said even real men would act like bitches sitting that long, but Reek had sat like a 'champ.'

Ramsay would take him to lighten his hair nearly back to its real color. He would make him see the same woman at the same place, even though it was two hours away. Ramsay would do all the talking and make all the decisions; erasing when Theon had done. But today was harder. When Skinner put his machine down, the buzzing still rang in Reek's ears. He squirted cold liquid on Reek's sore back and gently wiped it. He took off his gloves and said, "What do you think?"

"Perfect," Ramsay said, a little breathless. "Get a mirror for him so he can sit up and see. Look, put your back this way; facing the large mirror, Reek. Now hold this."

**This is the start of my new life.**

Reek was sitting on the table still when his shaking hand raised the mirror.

 _Reek Belongs to Ramsay_ in clear, styled script _._

Reek passed out, falling forward.

"He loves it. Wrap it up so I can take him home."

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Horses/Land by Patti Smith a lot while writing this. Any lyric used in the titles was also an influence.


End file.
